The recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a new element.   A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named “Governmentium.”   Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.  Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.   However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.   A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take over four days to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead  undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.   In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that  governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium – an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons, but twice as many morons.

***Thanks to Mr. D. for sending me this.  I think it is hysterical. 

This entry was posted on Monday, July 24th, 2006 at 10:35 am and is filed under Funny Side Up, Rhetorically Yours. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.