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Life’s a Bitch

This little fellow is from Africa and is known as the Naked Mole-Rat.   So if you’re having a bad day and feeling sorry for yourself, remember this:  You might think you’ve got it pretty rough.   But how would you like to go through life looking like a penis with buck teeth?   

Thanks to my sister Bethany and her business associates who circulate these lovely emails, which sis is so very kind (and maybe even deliriously eager) to forward to me.

***

And also via email, this from a very married guy friend of mine:

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do,*DO NOT* install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

xo, Angela

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 20th, 2008 at 9:19 pm and is filed under Bethany's Email, Funny Side Up. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

7 Responses to “Life’s a Bitch”

  1. goodguygonebad Says:

    That mole is TOO ugly!

  2. puzzler565 Says:

    I installed Angela 1.0 in my PSO drive and I have never even considered an upgrade. How could there be one?

  3. Mr. Smith Says:

    That mole looks like my brother-in-law! But then he is a dick.

  4. booklover Says:

    I think I need to stay away from Africa AND from the software store. Angie, where do you find all this stuff? LOL.

  5. David C. Says:

    Happy Easter to you, your readers and all the Mr. Dicks out there.

  6. Mistress V Says:

    That was funny, you make Me laugh. I am stealing and sharing. Message Me on yahoo we have to catch up!!

  7. Angela Says:

    Yes, we need to get together, dear and beloved friend. Very soon.

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