 | Between a Rock and a Hard Place |
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Wherein “rock” is my sacrosanct heart, and “hard place” is the cock you stroke while listening to my vulgar verbosity.
The first thing is that I really am both girls. And mostly I am both girls at the same time. There just isn’t a big division there. (Which I think is a good thing, by the way.)
I actually received a bible as a gift from a caller one time–his attempt to convince me of the validity of The Rapture, which I did and still do believe is downright Voodoo mumbo-jumbo. Not always, but more often than you would think, matters of spirituality, religion, who/what is God, etc. are the whispered sweet nothings, either right before or after a client sniffs my ass and barks like a dog or jerks off on on his own face or finger-fucks his ass while fucking a Fleshlight.
And then there are the sacredotal fantasies I occasionally spin, involving inovative uses for rosaries, chalices, crucifixes, holy water, blessed candles and whatever else I might pull out of my ecclesiastic bag of dirty tricks. Let me put it this way: When I’m toting the trick bag, no orifice is off limits. I do sooo love taking boys to church. Can I hear a hallelujah?
The way I see it, personality schisms are dangerous to our emotional homeostasis. You could say that they are a function of our dysfunction. When we are cracked into isolated pieces, rather than being a whole person with various facets, it just can’t be healthy. We ache for a connection which is impossible in our divided states and the fallout is a whole bunch of seriously bad religion, in which they who are spoken to carry the “word” to the spiritually deaf.
The second thing is, more often than not, proselytizers really piss me off. I take issue with someone who needs the ten commandments to figure out right from wrong. Not to mention that it’s kinda-sorta scary that someone needs to be told that stealing or killing just isn’t cool. Born again, they are suddenly pompous, condescending assholes. And aren’t even self-aware to see that what they are doing is not the answer to WWJD. Jesus, my friend, was definitely not hanging out with the Pharisees. (Matthew 23. 29-31, 34-38)
And I find it a serious disservice to honest seekers that most religions–believing their way is the only way–divide rather than coalesce, ritualize rather than celebrate, judge rather than love, cleave rather than conjoin. I have absolutely no doubt that every religion’s heart is pretty much in the right place. It’s just that they’ll never get it right by trying to be the only right. Does that make sense?
The third thing is that I would like to find a place to do the spiritual thing. A church but not a church. If you’ve experienced any type of twelve step program, you can probably get where I am coming from. It’s like spiritual beliefs are shared, but separate…and nobody is wrong. I like that. And matters of “saving” someone are left to God, not to bible-thumping, wanna be super heroes.
Which brings me to the but maybe…
There really isn’t a twelve step program into which I actually fit; my brief exposure was due to supporting a beloved friend. I can’t hold my liquor and I’m too frugal to get addicted to other chemicals. So I’m always looking at possibilities.
What’s recently caught my interest is the Episcopalians who in 2003 consecrated an openly gay bishop. The going is not easy as even in 2007 too many believers and even nonbelievers still can’t understand that goodness and morality are about hearts and not sex organs. But then there is Father Matthew’s vlog.  I’m watching and waiting.
So while while I’m watching and waiting, why don’t you stop in at my confessional. Say, Bless me, Saint Angela, for I want to sin. I’ll take it from there.
xo, Saint Angela
AHMEN, sister Angela…of course that makes me guilty of incest..at least, like Jimmy Carter, in my heart. How much better the world would be with open minds and hearts. Thank you, Angela for another civic prompt and meaningful commentary. How is it you have so many captivating facets?
A great column – which tells us a lot about just how special you are, Angie. What always loses me in these religious discussions is the point of view which says “We are all all God’s creatures. But unless you worship Him in the way I do, He’s throwing you over the side!” Just doesn’t make sense to me!
What a treasure you are. She’s serious, folks. I told her I was agnostic. She replied, “That means you just an athiest without balls.”
Well as a card carrying member of Our Angela’s Church of the Holy Moly, I too say praise Femme Fatale Angela for sharing her wisdom and her right on views of what religion is vs. what it should be.
So many folks think only in their own little boxes that unlike our Lady Angela, they never do see what matters and hate more than love.
Thanks for being you, dearest Angela
Angela, you say that the rock is your “sacrosanct heart.” Upon this rock, I will build my church.
As usual, a very nice piece.
This is the problem, however. Faith is about believing.
So what you believe, that is your faith. it doesn’t matter whether it follows the bible or not — if you think your faith requires a belief or an action, then it is true to you .
We all incorporate our faith in different ways — my agnosticism is how I make it through a day sometimes, just as a believer holds strong to the idea of intervention. I guess what I’m saying is religion doesn’t teach anyone anything — religion is a channeling mechanism for you you already believe. So of course there will people who hate, because they believe in hate, just as there are those who believe the Red Sea was parted.
I think one of the big philosophical mistakes we make is assuming that religion — in and of itself — gives us revelation. I think it is our internalizing of the information and ideas — and them, if you wish — combined with the divine connection you feel that gives people a strong feeling of faith. Maybe the words or feelings resonate. But I generally believe that your religion and your faith reflects who you are, not the other way around.
Actually, Matt, I kinda-sorta agree with you. You say:
“I think one of the big philosophical mistakes we make is assuming that religion  in and of itself  gives us revelation. I think it is our internalizing of the information and ideas  and them, if you wish  combined with the divine connection you feel that gives people a strong feeling of faith.”
Which is totally right on. But, many people who become “Born Again” don’t internalize it. They blindly follow their particular religion’s rules (ie. baptism, no card playing, snakes, no dancing, special underwear, etc.), believing anyone who is outside the “inner crowd” is doomed.
They stay stagnate, not changing or growing. Which is why I usually say to someone who claims they’ve been “Born Again,” that isn’t this “God thing” supposed to be a relationship, rather than a happening?
I see your point, but if they feel their religion is about a happening, then it’s about a happening. We don’t get to decide how they relate to God — or how they create their faith within themselves.
Regardless of what their Bible says — if they beleive their relgion calls on them to do not drink, not smoke, marry 12 women, blow up clinics, then it does. If they are someone who only feels pious and correct when they are preaching, then that’s what their faith gives them. It may be a bad reglion — it may be an evil one — but I don’t like saying they don’t understand, because they do. Their follow their faith — it may just be different than we think it is.
Matt – I go back to the Latin phrase Ubi amor … “Where there is love, there is faith.” Love is a crucial part of faith.