ADULT SEX QUIZ

Q.) What doesn’t belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, and Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can’t beat a blowjob.

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What’s the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q.) What does a Rubik cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What’s the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.

Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.

***Again, I bring you the content of my sister, Bethany’s inter0ffice email.  She forwards me a lot of this stuff.  And–aren’t you lucky–I pass it on to you.  At my end, I see a list of email addresses to which she (and others before her) have forwarded the original.  And let me tell you, ladies and gents,  a large majority of the receivers are female.

Bethany is very high up on the corporate ladder, verily a  mover and shaker, mixing it up with power brokers day in, day out.  My point is that if you’re wondering if sophisticated ladies in suits and heels can get raunchy with the best of them…

Well, hell yes, we can!

xo, Angela 

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.

A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

So, Bethany’s (my sister) office evidently has a lot of females–married females who chitter chatter and email each other a lot…about men and then about “women” things. I thought this was funny. Hope you do, too.

xo, Angela

1. It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.
2. A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
3. A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma’am, they’re dead."
4. The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I’ve been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
5. A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign came up that said, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he got stuck under the bridge. Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car drove up. The cop got out of his car and walked to the truck driver; putting his hands on his hips, he said, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver answered, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
6. A college teacher reminded her class of the next day’s final exam. "Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said. "Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand."

Just some TGIF silliness. From my sister Bethany’s interoffice email. Those insurance people sure do like to goof off.

xo, Angela

From my sister’s forwarded email. As I’ve told you before, Bethany manages an insurance office, where they evidently have plenty of time to fuck off. At least that’s how it looks from my end. A lot of it I delete. But some of it is just too funny to resist. This one really made me laugh. How about you?

xo, Angela

Three Proofs that:

Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn’t get a fair trial.

Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father’s business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He knew his Mother was a virgin and his Mother knew He was God.

Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.

Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2 He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

Jesus was an Native American:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.

Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

THE TRUTH – Jesus was a WOMAN:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was no food.
2. He tried to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it.
3. Even when dead, He got back up because there was work to do.

Can I hear an Amen? Thanks to my sister for sending this my way.

xo, Angela