Read and enjoy and then I’ll explain: 

(Craigslist ad)

SEXY ASIAN DOMINA’S SENSUAL PLAYGROUND – w4m

Busty asian temptress wants to wrap you in her spell and use her unique style of sensual torment which is perfect for the inexperienced as well as those seeking more extreme. My specialties are sensual roleplay. Come feel my ropes and lets play with my toys on you as you submit to my will and experience role reversal.

I have a female submissive as well for our experimentation. Double Mistress sessions are also available with advance notice….Double your torment and pleasure.

Come experience from one of London’s best. Incall and outcall are available.

Dave’s e-mail:

Hello Domina,

I need punishment! I want to read my poetry to you and then you punish me for their lack of quality. Here´s a poem I wrote for you, tell me what you think: 

Beat me up nonstop

You are a busty domina
I may come over to see ya
Beat me up and whip my ass
Make me take your masterclass

Her reply:

you have my phone number from the ad.  call to arrange
a session.

Conclusion:

Firm and businesslike, no comment about the poem. I guess this is what one can expect from a popular domina?

****

Found via Pervscan wherein Supervert  was editorializing on the Craigslist vs. Prostitutes controversy currently in the news. 

Our cherished Zen Savant ended with a Shout Out to Dave’s Little Book of Prostitute Poetry, which is just  frickin hilarious.

Dave — of Downloading Porn with Davo — was doing some traveling last year and used his down time to scan the Erotic Services section at Craigslist.  He answered quite a few of the ads, including a  snippet of self-writ doggerel along with the email.   Lucky for us, he documented what transpired. 

I would bet if a girl would have answered in kind — a humorous haiku, for example — she would have caught his attention and nailed down his business in a heartbeat.

…and to Dave:  It is my experience (admittedly limited to observation rather than field study) that, as you so astutely observed, many Dominas strike this aloof tone, mistakenly believing it  adds to their "superior mystique."    While — as your own experience  proved — what actually occurs is a cessation of communication.  Because, really now, after such a cool (and uninspired) response, where does a guy go?  May I suggest that the next time you are seriously looking for a Maitresse — who can kick your ass while leaving a smile on you face — check out Mistress Matisse.  She’s sexy, smart and — what a concept! — friendly. 

… and again to Dave:  You are absolutely right when you say:  "These women get lots of e-mails and consider many of the men who write them as time-wasters."   This I DO know from personal experience.  In the PSO industry we Phone Sex FemDoms call the kinda guy you describe as a WANKER.  And, in our defense, it does get tedious.  Personally, I  find it very disrespectful of these guys.  Then again, we are the "professionals" and need to rise above the mundane and "act as if."  At least until are darker suspicions are validated. 

… and for Dave:                          

wish I’d been hangin’ at craig’s, honey
when you were lookin’ to spend some whore money

the rest of this verse holds no mystery:
you and i’d have made craigslist history

Ten Things Slave Boy Doesn’t  Want to Hear

#1: “Um, I *think* I have another key around here somewhere…”

#2: “Oops.”

#3: “Um. You didn’t *really* need that, did you?”

#4: “Which end of this thing am I supposed to put in there?”

#5: “Don’t worry. I’m sure there’s a locksmith somewhere that’s open at 2AM…”

#6: “I promised not to do any permanent damage – but you know, hair grows back.”

#7: “Oops. I *thought* that was the lube.”

#8: “Uh oh. If that’s the KY tube, what did I just put up your…..”

#9: “Did I mention we’re on camera and this is going on my interactive website?”

#10 “Safeword? Um, what’s a safeword?”

#11 “And this is my German Shepherd, Ralph. I know you’ll just love Ralph.”

#12 “Oh fuck. You *can* untie yourself from up there, right?”

#13 “Oh shit. You do know CPR, don’t you?”

#14 “Heh heh heh. You didn’t tell anybody else you were coming here, did you?”

#15 “I do too know what I’m doing. I’ve read five whole Gor novels!”

#16 “Now, where DID I put that extra attachment for the chainsaw?”

#17 “Uh oh. If this is the tube of Superglue, where’s the KY?”

#18 “Did I ever mention that little fantasy I have about the tennis balls?”

#19 “Lie very, very still and keep your body temperature low. It turns me on.”

#20 “Oh, um, hello, Officer.”

(sent to me by a very obedient boy, who I think would could actually hear any of the above and would still adore me)

I never know what is going to tickle your fancy.  I write.  Sometimes I show you a dirty picture or hook you up with (what I think is) interesting linkage.  I rant and rave and even tell jokes or give you the inside dope on the Phone Sex business.  I observe.  I share my love for poetry … and I’m tickled pink that you seem to like it too or at least give it a fair shake before turning up your nose.  I guess you could say that  I get around and you happily hold tightly onto my skirt tails.  And off we go!

But today it’s just you and me, baby:  us or we, he and she.  Reiterating a bit here about the Phone Sex Fantasies and FemDom Adventures I create time and again … for you, me and those other guys.  How about I answer the oft-asked question:  Why all the mystery, Angela?  No face pics or selling pussy pictures and that kind of stuff?  For two reasons.  First, because I believe you’re smart enough to know better.  And secondly, because I don’t try to to cheat you with bought content, nor pretend to be either the oh-so-parochial "Lifestyle Domme" or the "Barely Legal Princess" who happens to have the Lauren Bacall voice.  I don’t have a zillion different personae so that I can cash in on every possible slant of kink.  I am me:  a real girl living my version of the American Dream.  All you really need to know (at least to start out with)  is that I’m not a paper doll, am as normal as you are in your daily life and am experienced enough to bring a sophisticated, informed and somewhat unique (some would say quirky) slant to this Phone Sex thing. 

Besides, I think a little bit of mystery happens to be a very good thing.  Don’t you?

My job — at least the way I see it — is to bring YOUR FANTASY (not your reality … you can get plenty of that by just opening your eyes every morning) to full fruition, at least for the the little bit of time we share together.  Ya know, I don’t always star in the Phone Sex Fantasies I create.   Sometimes I have a minor role and sometimes I just watch the kink unfold and give you the blow-by-blow.  It’s really on a call-by-call basis, with our chemistry creating the game plan. 

So let me tell you about this guy who called a few days back.  It was one of those calls that creep me out so much that I just want to unplug the phone, put on my PJs and watch Turner Classic Movies all day.  So this guy starts out by asking me what I like.  NOT A GOOD FIRST QUESTION!  What I like is not relevant.  Besides, I have enough of an Internet Presence that speaks very clearly to my particular bent.   When someone asks a PSO that question, it’s like he’s forcing her into a pop quiz of sorts, only he is the only one who knows the correct answer and if you are wrong …  HONK!  You lose.  On to the next girl.

So I try to explain that I like a lot of things, but what we come up with together is what will create the real spark.  He presses, I dance and use my wiley charms in an attempt to pursuade him against this line of questioning.  He still presses.  So I tell him a bit more about my experience of working a Phone Sex job throughout my college education and explain how much exposure that gave me to a wide variety of fetishes and kinks, and that I actually do surprise even myself even now with some new or different sexual scenario that will pop up out of the blue and catch my proletariat fancy for a day or week or even a few months until it’s replaced or put on the shelf to be pulled out again at a later date.

Well this guy just won’t give up.  His next question is:  What did you do for real while you were in college?

Now I’m starting to get that creepy-crawler feeling.  Here is a guy who’ve I just met via the telephone, we’ve spoken for less than five minutes, and he wants to jerk his dick to stories about what a slut I was in college?  Fuck that!  He’s a frickin’ parasite, pure and simple.  And while those of you who’ve gotten to know me over the course of a few calls do learn a bit about my personal experiences, this weenie head — who I’m beginning to detest intensely — doesn’t get that privilege.

But I’m a trooper, so I try one last time:  Listen, Mr. X, this call is not about me, it’s about you and what you’re into.

Finally, Dumbo is frustrated enough that he says:  I think I’m going to call somebody else.

And — you betcha — I am mighty pissed:  I think that is an excellent idea.

And I slammed the phone down.  Yes, I hung up on him, which is something I rarely do.  And you know what?  It felt good.  The only thing better would have been if I could have reached through the phone and put him into The Humbler.   Hmmm … just thinking about it makes me hot.  Maybe even add a nice bit of castration to the mix … that will teach him!

But enough of that.  What I really started out wanting to say is that the fact that you keep coming around, tickles me pink.  And the very fact that you are continuing to stay tuned, call and write means I am tickling your fancy.  Just the way I am — real girl, not paper doll — you get me, appreciate me and even like me.  And that’s my blessing. 

Thanks, guys!

xo, Angela