Wickedness.

That’s a word I never get quite right…a word that describes the things I want to play with.

It’s not about the pain for me so much anymore, though that’s not to say I don’t still enjoy it.

Physical pain is…too sharp.  The thuddiest club does not penetrate the way a wicked word or gesture will.

Just now I was in the bath and started thinking about what I would do if I had to pee.  Well, I’ve been in the bath and had to pee before, and I just hold it until I have to go pee, or go right away and get back to the bath.  Tonight, though, I was thinking about being made to pee on myself in the tub like that.

Then I started thinking about you peeing on me in the tub like that.

Then I started thinking about my being tied in the tub with my hands criss-crossed across my throat to the back of my neck, my elbows tied up straight so that my head was locked straight up and down.  Through that imagining I realized I could squeeze my elbows out, which would have the dual benefits of forcing my mouth up where it could easily be opened and closed while contracting my carotid arteries, making my dizzy and more vulnerable. 

My entire body would be exposed then and I imagined being that way for an hour or so at a party while folks came in and did as they pleased, not really talking to me, other than to occasionally mock me.

I wish my will matched my wickedness, so these could be true.

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Shared with me by one of the wicked-craving boys I know. He can’t get enough. He craves bottomless,  dark debasement with no escape. Yet he moves through the world as a gentleman, a scholar, a husband, a family member, a teacher … all roles he cherishes and thrives in.

It’s the endless predicament of kinksters, isn’t it?

or The Only Way to Serve a Woman

My mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. Do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? I will do that. Do you want me to crawl? I will crawl.

I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench it but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch.

Anything there is that I can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do.

— William Goldman, The Princess Bride

Remember: there are consequences for bad behavior.

Email:

hello [sic] Miss Lawrence [sic]

are [sic] you able to Domme [sic] me on skype today (watching/giving orders)?

My Response:

Why the fuck do you think my “Call Now” button was on?

Now I am going to block you, because I don’t particularly want to dominate an idiot.

And by the way, it’s Miss St. Lawrence. Your carelessness makes you twice the idiot.

Also, your bad grammar makes you a lazy, careless, twice idiot.

Not to mention disrespectful, since I’d given you the benefit of the doubt the last time you pulled this shit and sent you 5 FREE minutes for your next attempt (today) and you squandered it by being a total dipshit.

Ms. Angela

PS. B L O C K E D