The Dirty Truth About Three Dirty Girls

Isn’t it great seeing great women do great things? ~Oprah Winfrey

Being female is a most awesome thing. There are bubble baths and lipstick and perfect hair and thumb rings and corsets and tankinis and skin lotions and stilettos and perfume and day spas and face scrubs and lace panties and purses and candles and mascara and baby doll pajamas and silk stockings and cut-off jeans and shoes, shoes and more shoes. We gleefully indulge ourselves, and a smart man is glad we do.

And then there are girlfriends. There is nothing better than being a female and having a girlfriend. (Come to think of it, there’s probably nothing better than being a male and having a girlfriend, but that’s for another day.)

Girlfriends come in all shapes and sizes. I occasionally share stories with you about two of my everyday girlfriends, Jenna and Nannette. There’s also Laurie, Kandy, Krista, Elizabeth and a few more. Someday I will give you the skinny about a few of their sometimes licentious, sometimes capricious, and sometimes inordinate adventures. We have plenty of time.

And then there are my ON LINE Girlfriends, among them, the three ladies I’m talking about today. ON LINE meaning they are accessible to you via there websites, blogs, and printed media which you SHOULD purchase. Why? Because all three of these girls, like my real life friends, are pretty fucking smart (I don’t do stupid; you should know that by now.) And also like my real life friends, they are beguilingly sexy.

Because the Dirty Truth is: SMART IS SEXY. But I’m sure you knew that already, didn’t you?

So why don’t we start with Chelsea, who–while not an official girlfriend of mine (I’m kinda Midge to her Barbie)–is certainly someone I admire and even–I admit it–envy. Not in the Green Monster kinda way, but in the Oh My Goddess of Ink, Quill and Parchment kinda way. Because this Brilliant Babe has been blessed by the Keyboard Gods with Kinky Fingers and writes so exquisitely about naughty things, I once said this about that: She dresses it down as everyday prose, but don’t let her fool you…her words are pure poetry.

Chelsea’s blog, is a finger licking feast of flawless writing. And while there is plenty of right-on righteous sex, why is it (this is what I ask myself) that even when she writes about absolutely anything from snot to love to pop culture every single word–hell, even the punctuation–sizzles?

This girl is rocking it, and apparently Penthouse agrees with the rest of us. Chelsea has an article, “Tough Love,” (about bedroom BDSM games) in this month’s Penthouse. Did I say I envy her? I adore her. Maybe someday she’ll let me hang out with her and Ken.

Then we have Isabel Blyss who is kicking up dirt in the Phone Sex arena (and that’s a lot of dirt) with her articulately honed belles-lettres. A writer and poetess, Isabel has a lot of things to say, whether she’s whispering dirty no-nos in your ear, expressing her erogenous vision with provocative “Mini Erotica,” or seducing us with an impassioned rhyme.

While she doesn’t brag about it, I happen to know that Isabel is an accomplished poet in her everyday life. A girl who loves words? And does Phone Sex? If I were a guy wanting my fantasy done well, I sure know who I”d be calling. And check out what her callers are saying:

• …call her if you are looking to worship, to serve and to surrender your power to an articulate woman who will turn you into her pet and toy! Thank you, Mistress Isabel for a wonderful experience!
• She has a high perceptiveness, intelligence, attention to detail, and a deep knowledge of the subtleties that can make or break a role play session. Simply fantastic.
• She is smoldering hot, oozing a sexual confidence that is incredibly mesmerizing. I was caught in her web and am still shaking. Bewitching Isabel: I will be back!

What was that? You want her number? 1-800-863-5478 ext. 01939543

Which brings us to Secondhand Rose, a fairly new Phone Sex Gal who is regularly driving the kink-O-meter into the red zone with her finely-tuned tales of sensual debauchery. Rose is a seasoned author, publishing regularly in both mainstream and erotic venues. But she is keeping plenty of “good stuff” for her blog. Which makes all of us very lucky, indeed!

What I really like about Rose is her unapologetic celebration of All Things Girly; in this I find her a kindred soul. And her erotic fiction reflects this sensibility, deliciously indulging in everything from silk stockings to come-hither seduction.

There’s an easy enthusiasm in everything Rose writes, even her nonfiction, which makes visiting her blog a fun adventure, no matter what she’s up to. You might get to enjoy some smart and sassy writing or you might get to get off. What a deal! And even though she’s the new girl on the block, the boys are still talking:

• Rose is truly gifted and hits the nail on the head every time.
• Like the song, Rose “had me from ‘hello.'” She is a fresh breath of kinky sweetness and a real baby doll. She is seductive, flirtatious, sassy, smart and playful. And so much more. Simply incredible.
• Great, super sexy voice, and very hot, erotic imagination!

What? You want her number, too? Geeze! 1-800-863-5478 ext. 02078203

Go ahead, you scoundrel. Go ahead and buy Penthouse and salivate over Chelsea. Then call Isabel and Rose. Just leave me sitting here. See if I care.

xo, Angela

Women everywhere unite! The SMALL PENIS EPIDEMIC is no laughing matter. Then again, maybe it is.

Either way, our fearless leader, Mistress V, has the problem in hand, so to speak. If you missed her Second Annual Small Penis Prevention Day like I did, shame on you. And me. Of course she could have sent me a reminder, but she is, after all, the Goddess, and who am I to complain?

So I missed the picnic and the parade.

But I think we need to get serious about the Diminutive Dicklette Dilemma. No one is safe. Sooner or later some major malfunction is going to be pointing his miniature member at one of us, expecting sex, possibly even insertion or fellatio, gawd forbid. So next year, I’ll try to remember. And in the meantime, maybe Mistress V should throw her tiara into the political ring. 2008 is just around the corner, and while I adore Hillary Clinton, she just doesn’t understand the importance of this issue.

xo, Angela (wink)

…with a little help from my friends. And they are simply marvelous.

Lawyer Guy: Well, he’s a caller, a buddy, a lawyer (of course)…and he sent me this very funny joke:

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.

“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You come with us, also.”

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!”

“Bring them all, as well, ” the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.”

Gracie Passette & Entourage: Yeah, I had a birthday (8/15). And no wish list! Doesn’t every red-blooded PSO have a wish list? Not this one. I let this quietly slip by because I really didn’t want a big fuss, but Gracie begged, so I let her quietly announce it…thanks, Kittens! I actually spent the day at the hospital with my mother … she needed me more than my birthday cake did. And I received some very nice unexpected gifts and tips … thanks guys (you know who you are!)

Jeremy Edwards: You must remember Jeremy, AKA Jerotic? The fab writer who is oh so very naughty in all the right ways? I’ve written about him and featured his stories on more than one occasion….because, well, I like him a lot. He is a kind and generous friend to Zen Fetish, and I simply love having him stop by: To tell us the latest news, or share a randy little story, or even just for tea and crumpets. Not that I know what a crumpet is. But for Jeremy I would certainly comb the town and search every bakery until I found a crumpet or two or three.

As I’ve previously noted, Jeremy certainly gets around. And we all know the man has magic in each and every one of his dirty little fingertips. Oh, how I love those fingertips! It seems that Jeremy is making new friends over at a divinely inspired blog, Lust Bites (more about this later), where in a piece titled, Spouse-Sharing, Knicker-wetting, Flying Fucks, and Other Scenes of Amorous Tenderness, he asks and answers with elegant locution what turns out to be a not-so-rhetorical question of himself: Am I a “romantic?” Which, in turn, answers the question for all of us, Can kink and romance inhabit the same bed?

What do you think? Is he? Can they? If you’ve followed his work (and I have), you already know the answer. But it sure is fun having Jeremy spell it out with that same whimsical, sexy sweetness that permeates and percolates his erotic fiction. Hubba Hubba!

Sweat Shop Sissy: SSS is another Zen Fetish buddy, whose sweeter than sweet blog actually proves Jeremy’s contention that Kink and Romance can most definitely inhabit the same bed…and even thrive. Because Mr. Sissy Man is living it: An everyday working Joe who loves his wife and family deeply and just happen to wear panties…and it turns the Missus on! Ever so kind, he recently sent me this very funny link (be my guest, do click!) which proves that even men in lingerie LOVE BLOW JOBS!

Libby the Libertine: Speaking of Blow Jobs, Libby (of SexPros), who is a fellow columnist (I’m officially on hiatus, but not for long) at Sex Kitten, recently sucked the most famous cock in the world and possibly of all times? Surely I don’t need to tell you who this cock belonged to? Well…none other than Ron Jeremy, himself! Want all the juicy, naughty details? READ ALL ABOUT IT! I really love what Gracie had to say about this particular (mighty giddy…can you blame her?) confessional: Gawd, I luv you, Libby. Who else is gonna call me at 2 a.m. and say, “Guess whose dick I had in my mouth?” ROFL

Mistress V: Just a quick note here (I tend to go on when it comes to this lady. Aren’t you proud of the restraint I’m showing today?) Have you seen her Fetish Heat Video in which she publicly humiliates a sissy? Well, then, go there now. She is so damn hot! No “pretender to the throne,” this Fetish Mistress.

Lust Bites: I’m smitten. Accordingly, I’ve added this awesome blog to my links under Ethical Smut. A lot is happening over at Lust Bites (The blog on everyone’s lips.) It’s an upbeat hub of activity with a a gaggle (that’s a horde with attitude) of excellent regular writers discussing and opining on all things smut-O-licious…and tossing in a healthy dose of Brain Porn (that means you have to read with one hand and, well…do whatever with the other) for good measure. Plus Guest Bloggers! What a deal! And every inch of it is smart writing. Oh, and did I mention all the Freebies and Give-Aways?

Like I said…I get by with a little help from my friends.xo, Angela

At least that’s the rumor.

Could it be? Maybe-Kinda-Sorta? If only? Dream on, Biatch?

Well, Silent Porn Star thinks I am. So there! Talk about rock stars! Compared to this woman I am a just a star-struck groupie. For a fascinating read, you really should check her out. Describing herself as “A collector, a writer, a woman” and her site as a place where “Den of a Iniquity meets Den of Antiquity,” SPS’s blog is in turn intellectually flirtatious, divinely erotic, sweetly mysterious and visually captivating; not to mention consistently inspired.

And not only does she think I rock, she’s acted on her well-placed (okay, okay…it’s all smoke & mirrors on my part, but don’t tell her) admiration and named me a Rockin’ Girl Blogger. I even get a little trophy (of sorts) to display here for God and everybody else to see (and oooh and ahhh over).

Cute thingy, dontcha agree? While I’m making light of it –because I do have a self-deprecating charm, despite my occasional Fem Domme predilections– I am thoroughly delighted. It is quite an honor, particularly considering the company I am keeping, including Gloria Brame, Gracie Passette, Slip of a Girl and Thom of Fabulon (yes he is and…don’t ask).

And so for my acceptance speech, to Silent Porn Star, Sally Fields and all of my readers: You like me! You really like me! And while I would enjoy hitting the all-night awards parties going on all over the net on this festive evening, I’m afraid I must stay behind and attend to business. Because there’s one itsy-bitsy little sniggity-snag to this award: I must nominate five other lucky lovelies to carry the torch forward.

This is a task I find extremely difficult and next to impossible. Perhaps you recall the last time I was nominated for a similar accolade when I totally and irresponsibly dropped the ball? It’s not that I’m purposely obstinate, I just really and truly hate leaving anybody out. Plus I am incredibly blessed to know many fine blogger types –both male, female and in-between (wink)– which makes it a triple hardship. After all, what is true and right about a nomination and/or nominee can change on a dime. In other words, we have our filler output (because our readers are expecting us to show up with something) and our inspired flashes of brilliance (when the muse has us by our medulla oblongatas and every word from our fingertips is magic).

But, with apologies to Tom Allen of Edge of Vanilla who was so gracious in overlooking my (as mentioned above) sin of “bloggus interuptus” after he’d generously nominated me for The Thinking Blogger Award, I am going to Strap it On and present my own choices for “Rockin’ Girl Blogger.” Drum roll, please? And so, in no particular order:

1. Mistress V: I can never say enough good things about this Fem Domme Super Star. And it is not just a professional thing with me, it’s personal. I’ve had many interactions with this lovely lady and I’ve always found her to be generous with her time and advice, non-judgmental of my general quirkiness and a professional dynamo. When it comes to her blog, well…everybody’s reading it, with 229 readers subscribing by FeedBurner, which of course, gives only a partial picture. And, unlike many setting up shop on the Internet, she really is a Dominatrix. Ms. V is active in the Arizona fetish scene and hangs out with a lot of kinky people. Read her blog and check out the abundant display of pics. I promise you: You will be born again, caught up in the “sweevil” wonder that is Mistress V.
2. Tasty Trixie: If you haven’t heard of Miss Trixie by now… Well, I hate to say it but you need to get with the times, dear reader! I am a super fan of this Internet Cam Goddess and her blog, The Wondering Webwhore, which has been around for a long time and inspired many women (myself included) and turned on more than a few men. You will find her wickedly smart and home-spun beautiful and –above all– extremely ethical (check out #3 and # 7) with her readers, her peers and clientèle. I would follow her to the end of the rainbow if she told me it was best. And she is so damned sexy that I swear she could make me go gay.
3. Goddess Alexandra: Describing her blog, Sensual Sadist, as A candid look at the kink life of a Transsexual Fetish Creature, Dominant Sadist and Human being, Goddess Alexandra offers her readers a resplendent oasis where all things are possible and nobody gets hurt (unless they want to). Ranging from poignant to humorous to insightful, Ms. Alexandra’s thoughts and observations are consistently thought-provoking and always touch me deeply. There is a lot to learn from this woman. She is so compassionate and passionate, that I feel I could sit at her feet forever and never get enough of what she has to teach me…just by being herself.
4. Isabella Valentine: A partner in crime and good friend, Isabella is a top-shelf PSO and high-profile web seductress specializing in Erotic Hypnotism. Her recorded audios are legendary; even my callers talk to me about Isabella! Because she is one self-actualized chickadee (she is a student, audio recorder, a web designer, a photographer and an artist…and who knows what else), Isabella has a lot to talk about and her blog reflects this. Being both candid and generous, Isabella gives readers personal glimpses into her daily life, features plenty of her photography and artwork, and tops it all off with bunches of FREE audio and video clips. Simply scrumptious.
5. Sabrina Morgan: While I don’t know this young lady as well as I would like, I certainly admire her sexy intellect and well-honed ability to sling a sexy story. So much so that I’ve even featured one of her stories here. So why does this woman do it for me? Consider the title of her blog: Sabrina in Stockings. Makes you want to look, doesn’t it? Which is certainly apropos, since Sabrina is a PSO who celebrates all things feminine and the power her particular muliebrity wields over men. It’s the Art of the Tease, dontcha know? Plus, there’s the section of her blog, Full Frontal Politics, which should make any thinking man fall to his knees in lust.   Dirty and smart?   Sounds like the perfect girl to me!

So, there you have it, my 5 nominees for Rockin’ Girl Blogger. They may love me for this…or they might hate me and send me nasty emails. (Because now it’s their turn to choose 5 Rockin’ Girl Bloggers.)

But, girls, the choices I made were from my heart: I adore all of you. You’re the cream in my coffee, the twinkle in my eye, the cherry on my sundae, the angel in my pocket. Each and every one of you is a beacon…if the rest of us just follow the light, we can’t help but be better at what we do and how we do it.

xo, Angela

Awesome Girl Blogs ~ July 2007

Ass-pecially Delicious (Adele Haze, Spanking Model)
Beau Ideal Dominatrix (Mistress Matisse)
Dominatrix from Down Under (Mistress 160)
Carnally-Gifted & Wicked-Smart (Sabrina in Stockings)
Educating Us Sexually & Sexily (Violet Blue of Tiny Nibbles)
Foul-Mouthed Sweet-Heart (Abby Licks)
Good Vibrations (Heather Corinna of Femmerotic)
Hypnotic Enchantress (Isabella Valentine)
Iniquity & Antiquity (Silent Porn Star)
Jiggy Female in New York (Selina Fire)
Kink-stress Mistress Extrordinaire (Mistress V…of course!)
London Calling You! (Belle de Jour)
Meowwwww. (The Original Sex Kittens)
Oh, You Bad Boy! (Shirley Shave, God’s Wife)
Premium Princess (Crissy of Pussy Denied)
Quite a Q-tee (Adorable Audrey)
Richard’s Soul Mate (Goddess Alexandra)
Savoir-Faire Sexuality (Debra Hyde of Pursed Lips)
Trix(ie) is NOT for Kids! (The Wondering Webwhore)
Unmentionables Uncovered (Slip of a Girl)
Very Endearing Submissive (Insatiable Submissive)
Who Wears Short Shorts? (Becky C. in Shorts)
X Marks the (Your) Spot (Kinky Miss X)
Yoe-Woman of Internet Sex (Gracie Passette of The Marketing Whore)
Zen-sationally Pro-Sex-errific (Katt of The Pillow Book)