Dearest Angela:

Having a nice day here in [ANONYMOUS CITY]. Got a haircut, ate lunch downtown (which means leftovers for supper, but good’uns), and did Yoga and a quick walk to the supermarket for milk.   yoga class was crowded. There was even a girl in like middle school (who was incredibly flexible). The teacher is always so nice, and says I’m coming along well. I’m honored to hear the complement.

[ANONYMOUS DOG] went by the vet school again today. It looks like one of his blood levels reflecting kideny function is a little higher than we’d like. He may be getting a little dehydrated, so at the market I bought him some watermelon. When I was waiting for him at the vet school yesterday I wrote the following, which I hope you’ll enjoy:

Moonlight

Just as real to me as the memory of your kiss
The feel of your fingertips on my lower lip.
Quieting my desperation by quenching my desire.

My heart rests by falling through the floor.
The roaring in my ears presupposes the day you say good-bye.
Now I draw this pen across these pages
instead of my hands along your sides.
And I moan into the moonlight
instead of looking into your eyes.

Love,

[ANONYMOUS CALLER, FRIEND, SWEETHEART]

p.s. I also bought little two dollar pencil sharpener. Look out journal, here comes the color pencils!

_______________________

I’d saved this email forever and a day (sent 5/20/09) … it was so special to me.  So, yes.  There’s a whole lot more going on behind the Phone Sex Curtain than most would imagine.  Most of my clients are witty, smart, creative and continually surprise me.  They’re doctors, lawyers and — for all I know — even Indian chiefs.  They read/write poetry, volunteer at soup kitchens, play Santa at hospitals, publish books (one in particular that I’m sure you’ve read or at least heard of),  fly planes, climb mountains, teach school, live the good life post retirement, and every other thing you could imagine.

They are the guy next to you on the light rail, the doctor who took save your mother’s life, the minister who taught last summer’s bible study, the psychologist who sits next to you at your NA meeting …

… the football player, the opera singer, the grocery clerk, the personal trainer, the television star, the hot shot lawyer, the multi-level marketing guru, the bus driver.

… they are Jewish, Catholic, Agnostic, Muslim, Unitarian, Methodist, Presbyterian, Buddhist.

… they are Italian, American, Greek, French.

… they are white, black, yellow, red.

They are everyman.  And you better believe it … there’s a lot more to this Phone Sex thing than Talking Dirty.

xo, Angela

Um, I don’t really know what in the hell that is supposed to mean, except, maybe … well …

It’s a bitch to come back to the phones after being ill for so long, actually missing the good guys (yes, you!), looking forward to some grown-up, intelligent fun, only to have my first two or three NEW callers be jerky boy types.  And not in a good way.  I’ve mentioned before that I have a kinda-sorta list re. to the specialty call I am offering at a particular extension; it is guide — a guide ONLY — no more, no less.  Let’s take a look, shall we?

Prick Tease:  Carnal Control for Chronic Strokers

# guided masturbation
# blue ball busting
# femdom hand job
# delayed gratification
# compulsatory abstinence
# chastity by constraint
# cock-stroke countdown
# pussy worship
# obedience school
# sensual humilation
# financial fuckery
# stunt cock training
# clothed female, naked male
# multiple call tease
# hypnotic induction
# thigh, foot, heel humping
# induced flacidity
# cock-leash conditioning
# coitus interruptus
# female authority
# ruined orgasms
# disciplined monogamy
# prostate milking
# face sitting & queening
# cock & ball bondage
# public exhibition

Pretty self explanatory, yes?  no?  maybe?  enuff said — at the very least?  Well, if you’re into THE TEASE, it should certainly be enuff said, end of story, call and get busy.  But … nooooooooo!  Seems the occasional caller has to go down the list and ask:  How do you ruin an orgasm.  Just exactly how would obedience school be?  In what ways to you do stunt cock training?  Oooh, cock leash conditioning — how would you train me with a cock leash?  … and on and on and on and on.

After the drill, the interrogation, the endless academic and boring queries (which I might note is about as sexy as immersing oneself in stagnant tarn water), who in the fuck has any energy or desire to turn to serious kinky play?  Because, at that point, the caller has shot himself in the foot, he’s erased the mystery, ordered and numbered the possibilities into a nice little kinda-sorta periodical table of kinks, and the thrill of it all has become the rote and boring house-wife kitchen encounter … pallid, sexless, blanched and skinny-weak BORING.

I try.  Oh, yes, I really do try!   I try to explain that endless questions, the need to pin it down, define, categorize and make it stay in its own little neat and tidy place is NOT NOT NOT the way to go about the Phone Sex Experience.  A Femdom HandJob is never, ever the same.  Obedience School has a new instructors every day.  There are two people on the telephone, two people creating, feeding, inspiring — the nature of the superior encounter is to just listen, groove, connect, explore, let go.  LET GO!!!  Maybe I should rephrase this:  If you stroke it, it will cum.

That’s all you need to know, buster.  You and me and the moments of our time together are a one-time happening — opening, flowing, burgeoning with all that we have yet to discover.

It’s better that way:  Trust me on this.  And the next time you call — if you’re so inclined — will be another brand new cumbustion.  Doesn’t that sound better?

Part II of this GENTLE NUDGE, PHONE SEX RANT, FEMDOM BITCH FEST — call it what you will:

Hanging up on your girl is just not smart.  Because — once the strap-ons, the sissy panties, the stilletos, the leather, the cat-o-nine tails, the nipple clamps, et. al are put away — we really are earth girls and you need to be polite!  I’ve never blocked a man from calling me because of his fantasy or desires — no matter how kinky or downright grotesque — but I’ve blocked plenty due to rudeness.  Hanging up without a polite goodbye translates into crudeness and stupidty — I don’t tolerate these character defects in my friends and associates, so why would I tolerate them in callers?

The second reason you should play nice (and it really isn’t that hard; surely you’ve mastered the skll in your everyday real life?) is that nice begets nice.  I treat good boys well.  I’m assuming other Phone Sex gals do the same.  We have the ability to discount a call now and then for you.  Or give you free minutes.  And treat you extra special in a zillion different ways that can’t be quantified or qualified.  Do you really want to fuck with that and mess it up?

xo, Angela