web hit counter

Angela St. Lawrence is the reigning queen of high-end, long distance training and Femme Domme phone sex, providing esoteric depravity for the aficionado, specializing in Erotic Fetish, Female Domination, Cock Control, Kinky Taboo and Sensual Debauchery. To make an appointment or speak with Ms. St. Lawrence  ...

CLICK HERE.

Archive for the 'Rhetorically Yours' Category

Phone Sex Wish List, v.03

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

We’ve done this before … the boysthe girls.  But it’s been quite a while and, well, the more the merrier.  eh?  In case you don’t know how this works, it’s really just a list of people I wish would call me for phone sex.  And who knows?  Maybe a few have already and I just didn’t catch it.  I have talked to a few relatively famous person a time or two.  Even or three or four.

And don’t you dare even ask who.  My lips are — as always and ever will be — sealed.  Kissing and telling are such bad form, I’m sure you’d agree.  Particularly if I were telling about Y O U!  So thank your lucky stars I am a discreet .  (Did you catch that, PQS?  The "discreet" part, I mean.)

This time, it’s a jumble of hes and shes.  Maybe I’ll surprise you:

Of course it’s all in good fun.  What I’m really saying is that these are people I find interesting and/or admire and/or think are hot.  But you were smart enough to know that without me spelling it out for you.  Right?

Peace out.

Angela

Dr. Dr. Give Me the News

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

 

Don’t Worry, Be Kinky

Monday, June 15th, 2009

This is a quickie.  Because, technically, I’m not here today.  Which means I’m not available for calls.  So if anybody asks?  You didn’t see me.

I did work this weekend and was very busy, so I am having a ME day.  Which really hasn’t amounted to much so far.  I went to the gym, did a bit of grocery shopping and met a friend for coffee.  Tonight I plan on relaxing with The Broken Window, by Jeffry Deaver.  If you like thrillers, give Mr. Deaver’s books a try.  This particular book has a four plus rating at Amazon … so somebody’s reading him besides me.

I’d been contemplating writing a piece which was going to be called IN DEFENSE OF KINK:  Rock On, David Carradine.  Because, between you and me?  That was definitely a case of kink gone awry.  And while I don’t participate in asphyxiaphilia, I know that it is much more common than people let on.  BDSMers are quite familiar with this type of edge play and the BDSMers who practice it understand its inherent dangers and adhere to stringent safety practises.  But even under the best of circumstances, sometimes things go wrong.  

It really pissed me off that the memory of this man whom I so loved in Kill Bill and my parents fondly remember as Grasshopper would forever be sullied because of the salacious headlines and internet chatter about this unfortunate event.  I detest that thing in we humans that makes us quick to judge and gossip and smugly condescend when our secrets are still safely in the closet.  The only difference between David Carradine and us is that he got caught in a most unfortunate way.  And yeah!  He happened to be in a wig and fishnet hose … but I’m so used to that, it’s almost vanilla to me.  So … no big deal.

I don’t like erotic asphyxiation and wished people didn’t  do it, but they do.  And probably people you know.  If there is one thing I know to the bone … it is that we all have our dirty little secrets when it comes to sex and what gets us going.  I just wish we were smarter when it comes to the dangerous and harmful stuff and that we would keep in our heads — instead of acting it out.

Let me tell you a little story about my real estate agent who for some reason has decided I’m a trusted confidant.  He stops by for coffee or the occasional margarita now and then, always telling me I have the best-smelling condo in the complex.  (I do have a certain affinity for candles, potpourri, incense and scent diffusers.)  Incidently, Thomas is very easy on the eyes.  He works out obsessively and has even had a bit of cosmetic surgery.

So out-of-the-blue one day Thomas shows up with the local alternative paper tucked under his arm, telling me he has a big secret that just has to tell me.  He has a second job that his family (whom I know, as they work out of the same real estate office)  doesn’t know about.  An avocation of sorts.  He goes on to explain that he is a male prostitute by night and to … "please don’t tell my mother!  I can trust you, Angela.  Right?" 

He proves it’s true by showing me his very own Masseur ad offering Discreet  Male Massages in that naughty little rag he’d brought with him.  Of course I was fascinated and asked a lot of questions.  Oh the stories I could tell you.  And maybe some time I will. 

But what I really want to get to is THE MEN.  THE MEN CLANDESTINELY SEEKING A HOMOSEXUAL ENCOUNTER.  Thomas told story after story of men who sought out his, ahem, services.  His little recondite cottage industry was robust and thriving.  He was actually turning down clientele, because of schedule overload.  What really fascinated me were the numbers of married men.  Doctors, lawyers and Indian Chiefs — they were showing up in droves.  Mostly married men on business trips, getting a little of strange on the side while away from the wifey and family.

What I’m trying to say is that everybody has their dirty little secret fantasies — and sometimes realities — and don’t you dare think for a moment they don’t.  Most people most likely slide through a lifetime of fantasized or actualized kink and no one is the wiser.  Some aren’t so lucky.  As sadly seems the case with David Carradine.  So, yeah.  I was going to write that piece.

BUT!  I wanted to get my ducks all in a row before beginning writing and did some serious research, which changed everything.  I’m sorry to say that I just didn’t like some of the other stuff I was finding out about  David Carradine.  It turns out that now, well, I just don’t like him very much anymore.  I’m not going into detail … it’s just too smarmy and sad.  The bottom line is I won’t be writing about Grasshopper.  But you can bet I’ll forever be fighting the good fight In Defense of Kink.

Love ya!  Off to read now.

xo, Angela

____________________

Phone Sex Newbie of the Day

This is your lucky day!  Secret Maya is the new kid on the block and has a COCK FETISH!  And guess what?  She wants you to stroke it for her.  She wants to watch you jack that dick!  So pull up your cam and give her a call by  CLICKING HERE.

____________________

Phone Sex Quote of the Day

Ya know, Angela, I was a good boy until I met you.  I can’t thank you enough.  — Mr. LB, who made me giggle with that remark.

Laugh. Just Laugh.

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

 HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.  So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his
cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, Florida, West Virginia, South Carolina, and Washington DC.

___________________________________

A MAN WHO KNOWS HIS MATH

He writes:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.  This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here’s why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.

That’s 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the total number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That’s 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.

That’s 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding.

That’s 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That’s 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That’s 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Give her the finger?

I don’t think so.
___________________________________

ABOUT MEN

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

     ~~45 minutes.

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?

     ~~Through the chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

     ~~They can’t stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?

     ~~Because those men already have boyfriends.

___________________________________

FemDom Phone Queen of the Day

What serious kink from a woman who knows how to dish it out?  Then you need the beautiful and demanding Domina NY.  She’s 62 years old and she’s no Princess.  She’s a QUEEN and she isn’t fucking around.  IF you like strap-on training, foot worship, ass licking, cuckolding, cross dressing and taboo role-play, you should be calling NOW!  CLICK HERE and don’t forget to say, "Yes, Mistress!"  Unless, of course, you don’t mind losing your balls, DogBoy.  (I absolutely adore this woman!)

Phone Sex Advice of the Day

When we ask you what you like, be specific.  I like sex is the DUMBEST answer ever.  Of course you like sex.  We all like sex.  Phone Sex isn’t really about sex. — at least not THAT KIND OF SEX.  It’s about your dirtiest fantasies brought to life by a hopefully talented PSO who really wants to get a handle on your kink and then run with it.  In REAL LIFE we flirt and date and eventually fuck.  On the phone, we tie you up and torture your balls.  Or we’re your secretary and force you to masturbate for us while we tease you with our lingerie.  Or we put you in sexy panties and make you beg for cock.  Or we marry you and then fuck all your friends.  See what I mean?  Anything’s possible … so why just do the missionary? 

 

This Porn’s For You

Monday, June 8th, 2009