FYI:  If you’re wondering where I disappeared to over the weekend, my PC went bonkers and I was off line whilst the boo boos were medicated and everything else got either over-hauled or re-newed.  This included  a new monitor which I’m not so sure is an improvement over the other, but my tech guy tells me I will adjust and sing praises in short time.   I look forward to that epiphany.  

It was nice to come back and see that Pervert Savant’s latest chapter of Lingerie on the Razor Wire inspired my readers to leave commentary.  Thanks for letting us know you dig Biff and the gang.  As most of you noted, PQS can spin quite the tale and I am honored that he has chosen my humble blog as his place to tell this most interesting of stories.

I also noticed that I missed quite a few callers this past weekend and am sending personal emails to each of you.  I look forward to connecting with you soon and do hope you found someone special to talk with in the meantime.  Just not too special.  *wink*

Which, in a round-about-way, brings me to what I thought I’d talk about today:  Phone Sex Fantasies.  Because as unique as human beings are, so goes our fantasies.  Each and every one, no matter the kink, fetish, or desire has it’s own peculiar quirks and turns. 

Ten guys might want a hand job, but:  Mr. A wants tied up.  Mr. B. wants tied up, but also wants three girls at the same time.  Mr. C. dreams of jerking his own cock while his Mistress helps him along.  Mr. D. wants one girl to grind into his face with her panty-covered twat while another girl strokes him intermittently, Mr. E. would like to be masturbated in the bar under the table while his hot wife tells him who she fucked last night.  Mr. F….  Well, you get the picture.

So many fantasies, so little time?  Nah, there’s plenty of time for every one of them.  Today let’s look at what makes for a "quality" phone sex fantasy.  At a later date (possibly even in a series of posts) we can look at specific "niches."

First of all, phone sex is not a monologue:  it is a dialogue.  It takes both the PSO and the caller to really make it work.  Sometimes a caller is too shy or embarrassed to really say what his secret desire is, which is perfectly understandable.  But it can be frustrating on our end.  If we care about what we do and want to do it well for you, we need some markers.  On the other hand, we are the professional in this situation.  You are the client and we should — at least most of the time — be experienced and empathetic enough to help you get comfortable enough to open up at least a little.

So let’s assume we’ve gotten past the small talk/foreplay.  What happens next?  Well, again, this very subjective.  And again, it is the PSO’s responsibility, as the professional provider,  to follow your lead.  Some of you want an intimate, one-on-one interchange with things happening in real time (ie. "stroke your cock for me and rub your anus"), while others prefer to listen to a well-developed scenario, imagining yourself in a "situation" (ie.  your sister-in-law and I have tied you down and are making you watch while we "do" each other).  Still others enjoy intermingling a bit of fantasy with a bit of reality (ie.  stroke that hard cock for me while I tell you about me, you and the Dominatrix who is in our hotel room).

Any of the above can work.  Lucky for us, most of the time it works very well.  My personal/professional opinion is that the first call is kinda-sorta like a "first date."  In fact, in many ways it’s more or less like a BLIND first date.  Unless you’ve emailed back and forth with the PSO previously to that first call, she is actually more blind than you are.  She knows one thing:  You are horny.  You, on the other hand, have most likely perused her website and/or blog.  Until you actually talk, the info you garner is on par with what your friends might tell you about a girl they want to fix you up with:  it’s all second party, with no first-hand experience.

So you just have to take the plunge.  Nobody gets it right — caller or PSO — one hundred percent of the time.  While I have many fans and repeat callers, I also have gentlemen who simply abhor me.  Can you believe it?  Sweet little me?  Well it’s true.  I am human and try hard.  I always give the best that I have.  Unfortunately, sometimes the best that I have is not what a caller is looking for.  And sometimes the best that I have just is not good enough.

The reason I bring this up is that, many times, because of nerves or personal situations or a zillion different other things, that first call might not go right.  It doesn’t hurt to try again.  Yes, I do mean to try again with the very same PSO.  Put yourself in her panties (i mean figuratively, metro sissy!).  You’ve seen her ads, her website, perhaps even read some reviews.  You called her for a reason, so don’t give up so easily.  Maybe the stars were misaligned, maybe her toilet overflowed right before the call, maybe you were so drunk you weren’t making sense.

The best Phone Sex Fantasies I’ve experienced are usually with someone I’ve gotten to know.  We’ve taken some time to figure out exactly who we are together and then met somewhere in the middle re. exactly how we define Phone Sex.  Because, as I said earlier, everyone brings their own expectations to the table.  So getting to know a PSO, taking a chance with more than a few calls, probably isn’t such a bad idea.  Give it a try.

Lastly, let me remind you that I am not an expert on any of this.  I only bring my own experiences to this blog and you.  That’s all I have for you.

Hopefully, it’s enough. 

xo, Angela

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yb1hXigxUKM 400 275]

Ron Jeremy:  Catholic Pervert or Porn Star Super Hero?

(OR MAYBE JUST AN EVERYDAY JOE)

I don’t think there is anybody on the face of this planet who is immune to the rascally charm of Ron Jeremy.  He has that Christopher Walken thing going on, wherein no matter what type of bad-boy persona he is momentarily inhabiting, the twinkle in his eye tells you it’s all in good fun and you’re welcome to join in.

It makes you just want to hug him up and shower him with presents.  Here, Ron, I made you this nice cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream on the top.  How about a full body massage, Ron?  Take all my jewelry; don’t forget the diamond earrings.  Take it, Ron, take it all:  Exclusive access to my  virgin anus, frankinscense and myrrh, my someday first born child.  Even the Internet is more-or-less Ron Jeremy’s bitch.  His ability to have fun with, and even cash in on, his public persona in such a friendly, gleeful way has a lot of us going ga-ga over him.  

I get such a kick out of finding him here and there and everywhere, always seeming to have the time of his life.  I’ve never actually seen a bona fide Ron Jeremy PORN flick.  His reign as the Porn Prince with the Perpetually Erect Prick was a bit before my time.   But I have seen the documentary,  Porn Star:  The Legend of Ron Jeremy, which I highly recommend, because you owe it to yourself to see the humanity behind the legend.  

Because the truth of Mr. Jeremy’s life is that, even with his Porn Star legendary status, he just isn’t that much different than you or me; he really is the quintessential everyman.  Like most of us (and I so identify with this), he had a general plan for his life which he expected to fulfill.  But life had something a bit different in mind.  And that is how life is, isn’t it?  We think we’re headed over there, but end up over here.  You can spend the rest of your days whining, screaming, pouting, complaining and blaming.  Or you can get comfortable where you are, throw a big party and invite the world.  Cocktails at seven.  Hors doevres at eight.  Black tie, or even pants, optional.

So put on your party hat and let’s have some fun with Ron:

• A scholar (buy the above film to see what I mean) and a gentleman, Mr. Jeremy takes the newly-divorced Kathy Griffith out on the town and offers sage dating advice. 
• Get your freak on with Ron.  Show those lumps, honey.
• Have a Pina Colada with Ron.  (And you thought men couldn’t fake it.)
• One on one with Ron.  Size ten shoe!  You know what that means.  And I bet you can’t do what he can do.
• And let me tell you, brothers and sisters, Britney has nothing on the Hedgehog.
• Did you know Mr. Jeremy has his own little Mini me?  No, not that!  It’s definitely not "mini."
• And then ala Being John Malkovich, there’s Being Ron Jeremy, which I hear is an absolute hoot and includes a lot of other goodies as well, such as outtakes and INSIDE THE PORN ACTORS STUDIO.
• There is also a well-received book, Ron Jeremy:  The Hardest (working) Man in Showbiz.
• 49, 205 friends at MySpace?  Wow Wee Wow!  Now that’s a party!
• And wouldn’t you brag if you sucked Ron Jeremy’s cock?  My friend, Libby, did. 
• Did you know he’s also a Cartoon Super Porn Hero?  (that is his voice behind the animation)

See what I mean?  How can you not like this guy?  If you don’t, there has got to be something seriously wrong with you.  Me? I am obviously and deliriously smitten.  Deal with it.

Now, fess up:  How many of you out there have seen a Ron Jeremy film or two?  Come one, don’t be shy.  I want to know all the naughty details.  Can he really kiss  his "schmeckle" and is it really that big?  Do you have a collection of his DVDs?   And if not, why not?  I’m thinking I need to get a collection started.  I mean shouldn’t every red-blooded, dirty-girl blogger do the right thing for the Man with the Golden Shlong?

xo, Angela

You may have noticed I’ve been kinda-sorta redecorating.  Blistered Lips is in its 3rd or 4th incarnation.  I am loving the new look and probably will be sticking with it for a while.  At least I hope so.  Mostly I try to keep things simple.  No matter where you find me, you don’t find a whole lot of T&A because, well, if you have a search engine, you can easily find the dirty pictures all by yourself.   (Of course if you’re in a jam and want your eye candy on the fly and with no fuss or muss, you can add this guy to your bookmarks.  Why?  Because I did.  And if it’s good enough for me, well, it’s good enough for you.)

So, yeah, not a lot of dirty pictures here. 

Except …

Here at Zen Fetish, what I have done is implemented a new editor, actually a second new editor, and am playing around with exactly which of the two better serves my needs.  My main reason for doing this is to include a thumbnail at the beginning of most entries, which wasn’t possible with the original editor.  Or maybe it was and I was just too dumb to figure it out. 

Anyway, I thought that just a little picture tying into the entry’s theme or topic, or even just to provide a bit of eye candy might be nice for my readers.  You can let me know what you think.  Really, you can.  I welcome the good, bad and ugly.  Just don’t get too ugly.  Remember, I do have a Bitch Goddess streak in me.

Also, I put my two awards up in the side bar, because I’m such an egomaniac and wanted to brag.  The Cunning Linguists Journals box?  Click on it every day.  It helps me out.  Really it does.  But just once a day.  And check out where it takes you, because there are a lot of other bloggers that you will find there, some of whom just might be your particular cup of kink.

You may also have notice the book advertisement for Fetish Sex:  An Erotic Guide for Couples.  Don’t be shy, click the link (over there —->)and read all about it.  And if you want to buy it, be my guest.  If not, that’s okay too.  It’s not that I make huge amounts of money, believe you me.  But it does make me look good as an Amazon associate.

The other thing I did was downsize the category and archives so that there is now a drop-down box for each.  It takes up way less space and is much less distracting, yet is still handily available for the enthusiastic and/or smitten visitor.

So I think it’s looking pretty good around here.  I hope you think so, too.

***

I went running around today and, besides grocery shopping, got my hair and nails (pedicure and manicure) done.  Yum yum!  I feel gorgeous.  I keep thinking I’m going to give up the fingernails, but just never can resist.  Giving up the pedicure isn’t even an option.

***

I had to fight snow on my way back home, so I’m rather tired this evening and am going to take a night off of the kink-O-phone.  You better miss me.  Or else.

xo, Angela