Readers should know by now that I have a column at Sex Kitten. A great gang of girls are the center of attention over there, with the occasional male showing up for support and/or commentary and/or their own articles.

Although I’ll never measure up to Dorothy Parker or break bread with the likes of Alice Walker, I do like to write and Gracie is either kind enough or crazy enough–probably a little of both–to let do my thing, with very little intervention on her part…thank goodness. Structure, for me is a motherfucker, I don’t even usually make appointments for my nails or hair. I just drop in and expect them to work their magic. My saving grace, the reason they put up with my silliness, is my charming personality. And it might have something to do with the fact that I am an above average tipper. Just maybe.

Anyway, I wrote this piece, “When the Muse Wants to Fuck,” which had been very well received over at the Cat House. And I thought that was the end of it. But Kitten belongs to this blog club or something–I’ve never quite figured out how it works–called Sugasm. Seems that every week voters pick the best blog entries of the week. And my Muse piece was in the top three of issue 98! WOW! I wonder if I’ll get a cash prize. Or maybe a tiara and new car? Just kidding.

Actually, I’m stoked and I hope you take time to read it. It is one of my own personal favorites.

***

He’s baaaack! Pervert Savant, bless his pea-pickin’ heart, just sent me Chapter IV of Lingerie on the Razorwire, and it is unbelievably funny and downright brilliant. Why this guy isn’t writing for a living is beyond me. I also talked with PS today and he was his jolly and articulate self. I could listen to him for hours. He says he’ll be back soon. He is still having PC issues, but expects to have them corrected in the near future. He actually typed this chapter on his office PC. He charges by the hour. Wonder who he billed for that? Anyway, I’ll be publishing it in the next few days, so stay tuned.

***

A few questions (click the linkage if your answer is YES).

1. Do you absolutely fucking adore a woman who digs lingerie?
2. Does it take a smart woman to be a truly good Dominatrix?
3. Is cuckolding catching on as an acceptable kink?
4. Can good guys ever really finish first?
5. Did you know Shakespeare is still alive and slinging porn?
6. Can the human spirit thrive in prison?
7. Is it possible to be a good boy and one kinky motherfucker?
8. Does a girl who can talk sports turn you on?

***

Also, I am going to be featuring another story by Porno Person soon. He writes the dirtiest erotica, while I tend to save most of seriously nasty stuff for the kink-O-phone. So I like to put some of his beautifully filthy and seriously kinky fantasies here once in a while. It’s good to give this blog a good shaking up now and again. Dontcha think?

***

And to answer a question I get all the time: Yes, I know I link to people who don’t link to me. I don’t link for popularity or creating a “Google” presence; the linkage you find to the right of this blog is hand-picked by me for my readers. It is to benefit them, not me. People find me easily enough without me sacrificing my personal and professional integrity. So why screw with a good thing? Huh?

Okay, baby…I am history.

Until the next time.

xo, Angela

The Dirty Truth About Three Dirty Girls

Isn’t it great seeing great women do great things? ~Oprah Winfrey

Being female is a most awesome thing. There are bubble baths and lipstick and perfect hair and thumb rings and corsets and tankinis and skin lotions and stilettos and perfume and day spas and face scrubs and lace panties and purses and candles and mascara and baby doll pajamas and silk stockings and cut-off jeans and shoes, shoes and more shoes. We gleefully indulge ourselves, and a smart man is glad we do.

And then there are girlfriends. There is nothing better than being a female and having a girlfriend. (Come to think of it, there’s probably nothing better than being a male and having a girlfriend, but that’s for another day.)

Girlfriends come in all shapes and sizes. I occasionally share stories with you about two of my everyday girlfriends, Jenna and Nannette. There’s also Laurie, Kandy, Krista, Elizabeth and a few more. Someday I will give you the skinny about a few of their sometimes licentious, sometimes capricious, and sometimes inordinate adventures. We have plenty of time.

And then there are my ON LINE Girlfriends, among them, the three ladies I’m talking about today. ON LINE meaning they are accessible to you via there websites, blogs, and printed media which you SHOULD purchase. Why? Because all three of these girls, like my real life friends, are pretty fucking smart (I don’t do stupid; you should know that by now.) And also like my real life friends, they are beguilingly sexy.

Because the Dirty Truth is: SMART IS SEXY. But I’m sure you knew that already, didn’t you?

So why don’t we start with Chelsea, who–while not an official girlfriend of mine (I’m kinda Midge to her Barbie)–is certainly someone I admire and even–I admit it–envy. Not in the Green Monster kinda way, but in the Oh My Goddess of Ink, Quill and Parchment kinda way. Because this Brilliant Babe has been blessed by the Keyboard Gods with Kinky Fingers and writes so exquisitely about naughty things, I once said this about that: She dresses it down as everyday prose, but don’t let her fool you…her words are pure poetry.

Chelsea’s blog, is a finger licking feast of flawless writing. And while there is plenty of right-on righteous sex, why is it (this is what I ask myself) that even when she writes about absolutely anything from snot to love to pop culture every single word–hell, even the punctuation–sizzles?

This girl is rocking it, and apparently Penthouse agrees with the rest of us. Chelsea has an article, “Tough Love,” (about bedroom BDSM games) in this month’s Penthouse. Did I say I envy her? I adore her. Maybe someday she’ll let me hang out with her and Ken.

Then we have Isabel Blyss who is kicking up dirt in the Phone Sex arena (and that’s a lot of dirt) with her articulately honed belles-lettres. A writer and poetess, Isabel has a lot of things to say, whether she’s whispering dirty no-nos in your ear, expressing her erogenous vision with provocative “Mini Erotica,” or seducing us with an impassioned rhyme.

While she doesn’t brag about it, I happen to know that Isabel is an accomplished poet in her everyday life. A girl who loves words? And does Phone Sex? If I were a guy wanting my fantasy done well, I sure know who I”d be calling. And check out what her callers are saying:

• …call her if you are looking to worship, to serve and to surrender your power to an articulate woman who will turn you into her pet and toy! Thank you, Mistress Isabel for a wonderful experience!
• She has a high perceptiveness, intelligence, attention to detail, and a deep knowledge of the subtleties that can make or break a role play session. Simply fantastic.
• She is smoldering hot, oozing a sexual confidence that is incredibly mesmerizing. I was caught in her web and am still shaking. Bewitching Isabel: I will be back!

What was that? You want her number? 1-800-863-5478 ext. 01939543

Which brings us to Secondhand Rose, a fairly new Phone Sex Gal who is regularly driving the kink-O-meter into the red zone with her finely-tuned tales of sensual debauchery. Rose is a seasoned author, publishing regularly in both mainstream and erotic venues. But she is keeping plenty of “good stuff” for her blog. Which makes all of us very lucky, indeed!

What I really like about Rose is her unapologetic celebration of All Things Girly; in this I find her a kindred soul. And her erotic fiction reflects this sensibility, deliciously indulging in everything from silk stockings to come-hither seduction.

There’s an easy enthusiasm in everything Rose writes, even her nonfiction, which makes visiting her blog a fun adventure, no matter what she’s up to. You might get to enjoy some smart and sassy writing or you might get to get off. What a deal! And even though she’s the new girl on the block, the boys are still talking:

• Rose is truly gifted and hits the nail on the head every time.
• Like the song, Rose “had me from ‘hello.'” She is a fresh breath of kinky sweetness and a real baby doll. She is seductive, flirtatious, sassy, smart and playful. And so much more. Simply incredible.
• Great, super sexy voice, and very hot, erotic imagination!

What? You want her number, too? Geeze! 1-800-863-5478 ext. 02078203

Go ahead, you scoundrel. Go ahead and buy Penthouse and salivate over Chelsea. Then call Isabel and Rose. Just leave me sitting here. See if I care.

xo, Angela

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.

A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

So, Bethany’s (my sister) office evidently has a lot of females–married females who chitter chatter and email each other a lot…about men and then about “women” things. I thought this was funny. Hope you do, too.

xo, Angela

Women everywhere unite! The SMALL PENIS EPIDEMIC is no laughing matter. Then again, maybe it is.

Either way, our fearless leader, Mistress V, has the problem in hand, so to speak. If you missed her Second Annual Small Penis Prevention Day like I did, shame on you. And me. Of course she could have sent me a reminder, but she is, after all, the Goddess, and who am I to complain?

So I missed the picnic and the parade.

But I think we need to get serious about the Diminutive Dicklette Dilemma. No one is safe. Sooner or later some major malfunction is going to be pointing his miniature member at one of us, expecting sex, possibly even insertion or fellatio, gawd forbid. So next year, I’ll try to remember. And in the meantime, maybe Mistress V should throw her tiara into the political ring. 2008 is just around the corner, and while I adore Hillary Clinton, she just doesn’t understand the importance of this issue.

xo, Angela (wink)