So over at my erotica blog, Blistered Lips, I’ve been kinda-sorta tracking–I tend to be lazy about this stuff–my search engine traffic to see what search terms are bringing surfers to the site. I could almost blush! Or maybe I should voluntarily submit to wearing a scarlet letter. Or should I be washing my mouth out with soap? Enlightening, to say the least. Maybe I should get serious about the "professional" end of this once and for all. On second thought…nah! Some of the wordage is downright filthy, some is quite humorous, some accurately reflects my fantasy interests and some of it–I haven’t a clue as to why someone would be looking up such stuff. So, with at least some semblance of economy in mind, here is a partial list:

• cock leash (a current passion)
• tease and denial
• gloved masturbation (great humiliation technique)
• spankings for touching cock (story)
• cuckold castration
• tease denial
• sucking cock (story)
• Tease and denial
• cock leash
• strap-on cuckold
• "tease & denial" +clit
• mistress ass clit cum yes ma’am
• tease and denial
• sissy, panties
• domination xxx beginning learning (he needs to check out Richard)
• "STRAP ON" knees beg suck
• tease and denial
• show pussy lips
• spanking, bad boy
• panty jerking (story)
• tease princess humiliation (story)
• "you wouldn’t dare" mom spanking
• kerrie marie
• cuckold mistress
• suck my beautiful cunt lips (sounds like fun)
• pig cumming (say what?)
• tease and denial
• castration (story)
• teased begging to cum denied denial (story)
• spanked mother bedroom strap
• cuckold tease and denial
• cock leash
• hand job (story)
• tease and denial
• blistered lips
• swollen pussy lips
• flash tease denial (story)
• denied sex cum sissy
• sister prick tease
• castration issue femdom
• types of pussy lips (doesn’t he know?)
• panties tease denial
• strap-on domination ( calling Mistress V)
• tease denial
• TEASE AND DENIAL CUM
• bowl-of-cum blonde (poor girl)
• tied up and teased
• tease and denial cuckold
• I play with my clit as she canes me
• she made me promise to eat cum if cuckolded
• wife tease and denial
• tease and denial (Are we seeing a pattern here?)
• "spunk-soaked" orgasms (sounds messy)
• table tease denial
• "she spanks hard" (article)
• stiletto in the cunt (ouch)
• tease denial
• tease and denial phoenix (what about Dallas? or Denver?)
• cockleash femdom
• "cock pig" cum balls school (there’s a school for that?)
• hand job with ball spreader
• tease and denial
• femdom "cum training"
• dangling pussy lips (eeeewe!)
• crawl here eat my cunt bitch
• cuckold panties
• blistered lips (could it be?)
• wife tease denial
• "chastity device" dysfunction
• femdom manservant (I could use one of these.)
• squirt on the floor come cock strapon
• first time cuckolding
• Sounds in his cock (ouch-but fun)

As you see, I threw in a few comments and links. Be my guest. And BTW (by the way) — I’m working this weekend. Ring me up if you wanna see if I can live up to my bad reputation.

xo, Angela

Found here, there and everywhere under a variety of titles:

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.

2. Ahh, it’s cute.

3. Who circumcised you?

4. Why don’t we just cuddle?

5. You know they have surgery to fix that.

6. It’s more fun to look at.

7. Make it dance.

8. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that.

9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?

10. It looks like a night crawler.

11. Wow, and your feet are so big.

12. My last boyfriend was 4” bigger.

13. It’s ok, we’ll work around it.

14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?

15. Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.

16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

17. Oh no, a flash headache.

18. (giggle and point)

19. Can I be honest with you?

20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.

21. Let me go get my tweezers.

22. How sweet, you brought incense.

23. This explains your car.

24. You must be a growing boy.

25. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.

26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.

27. Are you one of those pygmies?

28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?

29. Every heard of Clearasil?

30. All right, a treasure hunt!

31. I didn’t know they came that small.

32. Why is God punishing you?

33. At least this won’t take long.

34. I never saw one like that before.

35. What do you call this?

36. But it still works, right?

37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.

38. It looks so unused.

39. Do you take steroids?

40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.

41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

42. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?

43. Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.

44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?

45. Aww, it’s hiding.

46. Are you cold?

47. If you get me real drunk first.

48. Is that an optical illusion?

49. What is that?

50. I’ll go get the ketchup for your french fry.

51. Were you neutered?

52. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.

53. Does it come with an air pump?

54. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.

55. Where are the puppet strings?

56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.

57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.

58. Never mind, why bother.

59. Is that a second belly button?

60. Where’s the rest of it?

My hope is that when I finally settle down, I marry a man who has a foot fetish. Because I have a shoe fetish. Big time.

Of course, most people today are at least aware of this fetish, although perhaps many don’t truly appreciate it, questioning how someone could sexualize any body part besides the breasts, pussy and ass. Okay, maybe they can understand legs. But probably that is about as far as they can stretch their imaginations.

But, as I always tell my vanilla callers, they could do worse than developing a little foot fetish of their own. Because a man who can give a good foot massage is usually much appreciated by a woman who wears heels. We like it. It feels good. Give us bunches of it and you might just get lucky. You even just might get lucky more often!

And don’t forget to pay for our pedicures. Because we will then use our perfect, cute little feetsies to reinforce and expand your growing fetish. It is a delicious little game we will gladly play with you. Because everybody wins.

And you just might get a foot job.

And us? We get new shoes.

xo, Angela

…has its way with you whether you want it to or not.

I live online as a somewhat frisky and perpetually perfect figment of many men’s imperfect imaginations. Even from this side of the telephone I’ve always thought this a bit unfair to the everyday women in the everyday lives of my callers. It’s not so hard to imagine being the woman on the other side of the kink-O-phone, because in my everyday life, I am that woman, myself. I am not always talking dirty or in the mood for kink. Unlike a wife or girlfriend or significant other, I can just sign off, when I’d rather read a book or see a movie.

So I do live a life outside of the kink-O-phone and –surprise– it is not always pretty or happy or perfect. Which happens to be the case right now. Someone I care about deeply is going through some very tough times. So in lieu of making money I’ve been being a friend. But you know what? There is always more money. Always. But there isn’t always a next time when it comes to matters of the heart. And I am being where I need to be.

I know quite a few of you have been trying to reach me and I will be around as much as I can. You can always write (zenfetish@angelastlawrence.com) or arrange a call. I will respond, one way or the other. And I really will be putting in some full phone days in the very near future.

In the meantime, a moiety of possibilities:

• Creepy Older Guy: This is a new blog by a caller who is NOT creepy at all. By default, my callers are never creeps, dontcha know? In fact, this caller happens to be, as you you will see in reading by his blog(in which he addresses “sexual addiction, bad recovery, rage, culture and a certain undeniable sweetness”), certainly wise and even a bit wonderful.
• Monk-ee business!
• Talk Dirty To Me: Overheard at the STD Clinic
• Have you ever wanted to read Venus in Furs?
• I want a Prezzle. Will somebody please buy me one?
• Food for Thought from The Professor: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof = Poached Pussy
• Sexy Quotes collected by me, me, me.
• Another Caller’s blog: Prurient Interests Very good stuff and much fun to read.
• Let’s move to Transylvania, vy don’t ve, dahlink?
• Adult webmasters are welcome to list their sites at Polyfetishist: A Directory of Erotic Pluralism. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
• Would you like to learn to talk dirty, yet command respect?
• In answer to the letters I received from Carly, Anna, Star, Kathy Q., Misty, Lizzie G., and Sugar Baby: A good place to start if you are interested in the adult industry is at Sexy Jobs. Read here for some very good advice/info regarding PSO jobs.
• Some people just bitch, bitch, bitch! Geeze….
• If you find yourself on the servile side of sexual shenanigans, I cannot urge you enough to check out Richard, a most erudite and wise sub-slave.
• And if you’ve got the need to talk dirty right here, right now and I’m no where in sight, may I recommend Isabel Blyss. She’s new on the block and ready, willing and able. Call her before her prices go up. Tell her Angela sent you and she just might be extra nice.

See Ya.

xo, Angela

You know what they say:

These men may jerk from sun to sun.

But my dirty words are never done.

…or something like that.

Which is to say that I put in a very long day on the phones and am very tired. Plus, I need to get to bed soon, so I am up in time for my dental appointment. (No worries, just a regularly scheduled cleaning.) But, before tucking myself in, I wanted to drop by and check in with all of you.

Have you been good? Or are you one of the bad boys who called me today. Of course that means you can blame all of your misbehavior and dirty deeds on me. So you’re off the hook. At least until the next time.

Soooo…

Best Blog Ever: Don To Earth Is this just not the coolest? Oh; to sit at his feet and listen to his stories, to take in all the wisdom he has to share. (Thanks to E. for linking me.)

I wrote a new poem, thirst.

But before that I wrote something very dirty.

And just let me say this about advertising: It is way out of control and they are sticking it to us every where we breathe. I am so incredibly amazed at the audacity which is now accepted as the norm, wherein television stations shove ads constantly down our throats even when we are in the middle of watching a show by running banners across the bottom of the screen during the entire half hour or hour. I mean, aren’t the commercials in between enough? Does everything have to be a “selling opportunity” that simply can’t be passed up?

Bravo –a station I simply adore for its gay-supportive broadcasting and because it is where I watch my beloved Inside the Actors Studio— is one of the worse offenders. But they have us by the proverbial balls, if we are fans of Tom Colicchio, Tim Gunn (yes, you can buy me his book..I’m dying to read it) and Jackie Warner (Sizzzzzzle!). So I am putting up with it, but pouting and grousing nonetheless.

Which, in my roundabout way, brings me to this: Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List rocks! For this show alone, even if all the aforementioned shows were not available on Bravo, I would still give in and watch. You have to see her to believe her. Tonight she actually went on a date with Ron Jeremy. And he was the perfect gentleman, dontcha know? But then, I knew he would be.

Oh, and: This and that about this and that.

One more thing: New Millennium Phone Sex

Can I go to bed now, daddy?

xo, Angela