I haven’t decided if this is a phenomenon occurring only with horny submissive phone sex callers, horny phone sex callers in general, or just horny men period.  But it sure does try my patience.

Although it is the way I currently conduct my business, phone sex by the minute just isn’t a good idea. It is the nature of the beast(s). Kmart callers just don’t know how to conduct themselves properly within such a loosely structured framework and generally drive PSOs insane. They show up with their dicks in their hands looking for the blue light special and they want it NOW.   And they really piss me off.   Big time piss me off.

What I mean (a call on my Macho Sissy Line):

Hello. This is Angela.

Hello, Mistress, this is Matthew.

Hi, Matthew, have we spoken before?

No, Ma’am, we haven’t.

And how did you find me, Matthew? Over the phone or on the Internet?

On the Internet, Mistress.

And what would you like to discuss today? There is a list of suggestions there at Macho Sissy. Does anything appeal to you?

*click*

Yes.  The M***er F***er hung up on me.  And, guess what?  All of this took place in under one minute.  Which begs the question, Is this the time and effort he puts into other endeavors?  If so, his is not the company I would like to keep.  Nor would I hire him to do any work for me.  Nor would I want him teaching the children I plan on having some day.

There are a zillion ways a call can go.  I simply don’t do cookie cutter phone.  I treat each encounter (even with a repeat client) as a singular experience focused on his unique desires and our specific chemistry on that particular day.  It’s the only way I can do it.

The “list” I mentioned is more or less a catalyst of sorts, an attempt to get things burning, and varies in relation to what general path we might be exploring.  For my Macho Sissy line there is quite an assortment (which should have clued him into what to expect from a call with yours truly before ever picking up the phone):

Looks to me like he could have had lotsa fun, if he’d just brought his brain and his manners to the table.  Dontcha think?

So there you have it.  How Male Pattern Stupidity nearly –but not quite– ruined my day. Because I’m really not that thick-skinned and I do have feelings and they do get hurt.

Rudeness, no matter what the circumstances, is never called for and speaks volumes about who you are and why I am happy you decided to leave quickly.

But this story has a happy ending, because then the good guys showed up.  And I lived happily ever after.

xo, Angela

…is what I will be doing tomorrow all day.

For those of you who don’t know, my mother is in a wheelchair and gambling is just her most favorite activity, carried over from before she got sick. Even if I had to beg, borrow or steal the money we use for our (warm weather) monthly outing, I would find a way to get my mother to the casino. If that is all it takes to keep her happy, who am I to grumble or deny her?

Here’s the rub: I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this to you before, but I was a closet smoker for quite a few years. And I have to say that I loved everything about it. Unfortunately, once I started working from home with my own business, it was much too easy to light one up at will and things were starting to get a bit out of control. Well, I quit a few months back and in ten days I will have been five months smoke free.

This has been hard at times, but not as hard as it could have been because of two things: 1. Lots of snow kept me homebound many days this winter, removing me from temptation’s way. 2. Smoking in public places was outlawed here last year. So I managed to get this far without cheating even once. Although there are days….. But, the main point is that I haven’t. I just haven’t picked one up even when the craving was intense.

So, guess what? Casinos are exempt from this law! Yowza! And if you’ve been to a casino, you know as well as I do that fat people, ugly people, bad dressers and chain smokers make up the majority of gamblers frequenting these rectories of iniquity. Just in case, I picked up some fake herb cigarettes. They happen to absolutely suck, but may keep me out of trouble if the need starts grabbing at me.

Now it is supposed to rain tomorrow. But you should know by now that I simply love rain. I really do. So that would just make the day better for me. In fact, much better.

Now if you’re wondering what we do up there: Well, we are girls and she is in the wheelchair…so we keep it simple and play poker machines and slots. I’m particularly fond of a slot machine that has this happy smiley face guy come out now and then to announce a bonus game. Another slot, The Price is Right, is a bunch of fun, featuring the voice of (now deceased) Rod Roddy and video versions of Plinko, Punch a Bunch, and the Dice Game. And yes you get to spin the wheel and bid on showcases.

Mostly, I leave the picking of the machines up to Momma since it is more or less her day.

But I will come home having either blown my wad or won big. I mean what’s the fun of it otherwise?

So keep your fingers crossed and wish me well.

xo, Angela

Although today’s entry does not refer to kinky, weird sex–it sure looks that way, doesn’t it? So a few words before I move onto what this is really about:

Whether or not it’s your particular cup of T (as in Taboo), some men (perhaps women–they’re not my client demographic so I wouldn’t know), incorporate a surprising variety of animals into their sexual fantasies. It’s not about the beast, mind you. It’s about the dirtiness of it all.

So that in fantasy…they can push themselves beyond the edge of filthiness and straight into deviant perversion, having an exquisitely intense orgasm. In real life…the same idea is usually beyond repugnant to them. Thank goodness. More often than not, they will be the first to report an instance of animal neglect, cruelty or abuse.

While some fantasies may be outside of my comfort zone, I do respect and support a person’s right to fantasize about any thing they damn well please. If they are smart enough to keep fantasy separate from reality–and most are–then, by all means, have at it.

So now you know. Probably more than you wanted to know. Let’s move on.

***

What I really wanted to bring up: Planet Earth (And, yes, that is a link so be sure to click it.) If you haven’t caught up with this series yet, you really are missing out. Personally speaking, I am seriously hooked. Airing on The Discovery Channel and narrated by Sigourney Weaver, this eleven part, environmentally reverent documentary is living up to the preliminary buzz, proving to really be as mesmerizing as it is educational.

Due to advancements in technology (including satellite photography and high definition production) and the producers’ commitment to quality (“more than five years in the making”) viewers are privy to natural wonders rarely or never before seen. Have you ever seen a snow leopard stalking his prey through the dangerous crags and steep slopes of the Himalayas? Did you know that a cross between a donkey and a zebra is correctly referred to as either a zonkey or a zebrass?

There is so much to see and learn from watching this series that I cannot possibly do it justice within the scope of this blog. From an underwater glimpse of swimming elephants to a peek at male birds of paradise strutting their stuff to attract a female (some things never change, eh?), everything is vividly spectacular, beautiful and overwhelming.

If you can’t catch the series or even if you can–new episodes air Sunday nights with repeats during the week–you can order the DVD set which includes a bonus installment, The Future.

Prepare to be amazed. And moved to save our beloved and threatened planet…before it is too late.

xo, Angela

I never meant to stay away this long. Honest, I didn’t. I buckled down to get some real work done and some serious kink-0-phone under my belly chain and the time just flew. Then, of course, like you I had to do the Easter thing. But that’s all behind me now and here I am.

Of course you were continuously on my mind; I tucked away so many things to tell you about once we were alone together again. Unfortunately –in one neuron and out the other– I can’t recall a damn one of them right now.

Let me think. Hmmm….

Oh yes. Here’s something. How would you like a nice pervy, voyeuristic peek at Sex Kitten Gracie’s soft and curvy breasts? Well, have at it then. You are such a dirty boy! I I do have to admit that even I find those sweet-pillows very inviting, even seductive. Makes you want to reach out and touch a certain someone, doesn’t it? Now keep it in your pants and let’s move on.

I was talking with Isabella Valentine who just happens to one of my favorite PSOs. She’s smart, sassy, creative, classy and committed to providing a quality experience for her client base. Her professional integrity is beyond reproach. Isabella specializes in erotic hypnosis and is constantly adding new MP3s which are reasonably priced and yours to keep forever. So make sure to check out the selection and let’s just take a little peek at Isabella with blue hair, why don’t we?

Speaking of integrity, I found this article, The Man Who Said No to Wal-Mart, a while back and was so inspired by it that I’ve since printed it out and mailed it to family and friends. Read the article (which is extremely interesting) and I think you will see why one of my callers actually used it for a lecture in a business class he teaches and another ended up purchasing the Snapper lawn mower.

Okay, let’s see if you know who this is: In their neck of the woods, an electrician is a “sparky,” Englanders are referred to as “Poms” and graham crackers are called “teddy bear biscuits.” (And thank you, Mr. G. for teaching me these and so many other things. You are a delight.)

And I gave into my shoe fetish over the holiday weekend. Two new additions:

You like? I mean, you really can’t blame me. I had to do something in lieu of an Easter basket. I figured one for fun and one for really hot fun. If you know what I mean, Jelly Bean.

And last but not least, Bareback Magazine is featuring a story by Zen favorite, Jerotic, Doing it for Olivia. Very sexy. And naughty….very naughty. Which just happens to be just the way we like it.

xo, Angela

Just a little bit of stuff:

Well, I totally lost Pervert Savant’s next installment of Lingerie on the Razor-Wire. And at the most inopportune time as his PC is fried and he can’t get into his documents to rescue it from his own files to resend to me. We are working on a solution. Which just might be him forgiving me enough to rewrite the entire thing from memory.

***

I finally found a new physician and had scheduled an appointment for yesterday so that I could finally get some help with my allergies. I’d been wanting to change doctors and so had put this off for a while and was really looking forward to it. All ready to go, I went to leave and couldn’t find my keys. The minimum-wage phone-bitch who took my crazed and frustrated call was not sympathetic and even seemed a bit miffed. So FUCK HER. Now I need to find another new doctor.

***

My cable bill runs around $130.00 per month. I figure at that price, I should be able to turn on my television anytime of the day or night and be able to find something to watch. So why do I have to put up with info-infomercials on almost every station when I wake up in the middle of the night? I mean, come on! How much money do these people need?

***

If you get a chance you simply must check out South Park this week to see Fantastic Easter Special. Even after all this time, the writers are edgy, topical and just downright hilarious. No race, religion, person or idea is safe: anything or anybody is fair fodder for their gleeful and bloody skewering. This time religion gets its panties twisted in an episode ala The Da Vinci Code. What is the mystery behind the tradition of coloring easter eggs? What clues are hidden in The Last Supper? What is the “Hare” Club for Men and what is its mission?

***

One more thing. Even if you’re not a Nicholas Cage fan (and I’m not), you really should own a copy of Adaptation. And here is why.

xo, Angela