A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

“Oh my God!” screamed the woman. “That’s disgraceful! Why is he doing that?”

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, “I’m very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn’t do that at least five times a day, he’ll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture.”

“Oh, well in that case, I guess it’s okay,” said the woman. As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again the woman screamed, “Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?”

Again the doctor spoke very calmly ; “Same illness, better health plan.”

***

The joke is from my sister, who always surprises me with her naughtiness.

In case you’re wondering, contrary to my original hopes, I still am not well. Basically, I’m taking it one thing at a time and resting as needed. Right now, Christmas plans are totally askew, and I am not happy about it. In fact, I’m rather pissed.   Any pain sluts about who’d like to take advantage of my wicked mood?

Still taking calls by arrangement, only if I am up to it.

For more info or to inquire about setting up a call,  you can always write me at: zenfetish@angelastlawrence.com.

Now I am going back to bed.   Oh, and while I am gone?

• My Favorite Bookstore
• Huffington Rocks!
• Best Christmas Cards on the Net

xo, Angela

Introduction to Poetry ~ Billy Collins

I ask them to take a poem
and hold it up to the light
like a color slide

or press an ear against its hive.

I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,

or walk inside the poem’s room
and feel the walls for a light switch.

I want them to water ski
across the surface of a poem
waving at the author’s name on the shore.

But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.

They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means.

***

So many people struggle and wrestle with poetry:  What is it?  How is it?  Why is it?  How do I read it, understand it?

I’ve always said poetry is music without music.

That simple and that complex — which is the beauty of it.  You don’t have to understand it.

You don’t have to get every symbolic gesture.  Just feel it.  Just like you do your favorite songs, the music with the music.   It’s just like that.

Only different.  Know what I mean?

xo, Angela

…which is kinda-sorta what I’ve been up to today.

On the mend, but feeling still delicate — I am taking calls by arrangement only and only if I can. Which means that if I wear out, I will bail.

Believe it or not, some calls are easier than others and require less intense effort on my part. Those I can handle. The guy on coke who wants to talk about how wonderful his own personal penis is for twelve to eighteen or even more hours — I cannot handle. Not even on a good day.

My advice to you, mister, is to get off the coke, then find a vagina (or even another penis) that you love more than your own equipment.

So I am getting my appetite back which is a very good thing. Just finished a bowl of mixed vegetables…so yummy!

Heeding a beloved friend’s counsel to “take it easy,” I’ve started on my Christmas cards while making lists: Online Holiday Shopping, Mall Shopping, Grocery Shopping, Holiday Tasks, Website Tasks, Professional Commitments. And I’ve been doing sundry other little things in between. With (guilt-free) naps as needed. Because I have a lot to do this month and need to continue getting better.

I’ve decided to feature a different charity each day through Christmas (via a button at the end of each day’s blog entry) and today’s is extra special. Do you know what today is? Because I sure didn’t. But thanks to Dear Madame (known as “Madame Dearest” amongst more submissive types, I do believe) I’ve been enlightened. Today is World Aids Day and what better way to start a season of giving than to contribute to such a worthy cause?

The easiest thing to do? Light a Candle. And please pass along that link. Every time the candle is lit, Bristol-Myers Squibb will donate a dollar to the National Aids Fund.

And a very cool list: 12 Ways to Join the Fight Against Aids.

Thanks. Kisses & Hugs. I’ve got to get back to nailing that jelly. Anybody got a hammer?

Angela

.

….almost.

At least I think I’m on the way to better. Or maybe just the best I can do.

So…some good things about being sick:

• Falling in love with Oprah all over again.
• Watching Charlie Rose interview one of my favorite people, Morgan Freeman.
• Sleeping any damn time I want for as long as I want.
• Watching my neighbors dig themselves out of a snowstorm while wearing PJs and drinking a cup of rasberry brandy-spiked tea.
• Leaving the PC off for two days. Technology isn’t worth crap when you’re sick.
• Not answering my phone, because I’m sick and I dont’ have to. So there.
• Canceling a dental appointment.
• Stopping my closet smoking habit. Might as well, while my throat feels like this.
• Finding all the meds I’d stuffed in cupboards and closets when I’d first moved in here and never had any reason –until now– to look for.
• Two hour bubble baths every day. Because they make you feel so good when you’re sick.
• Mixing drugs for maximum effect. (Shhh… Don’t tell my doctor.)
• Knowing that I can masturbate anytime I please. Because, let’s face it, there isn’t much else to do. Not that I did or didn’t, mind you.
• Reading books.
• Slathering myself with creams and lotions. It’s a good thing.

Probably a lot more I could list. But that’s a good start. We won’t talk about all the stuff that has been put on hold and is peeking out at me from the corners of this quit time, just waiting to get back in and drive me nuts. Like the one hundred Christmas cards sitting on my dining room table…still boxed, still waiting. Or the furniture shopping I’ve had on a back burner forever and a day.

It does feel good to be putting up this blog entry. I missed you guys! I’ll be back tomorrow…I promise.

xo, Angela

Reading my email, it’s clear that I’ve been missed…even fretted about. Never fear, beloved and appreciated readers, all is well. I just decided to extend Thanksgiving into a long holiday weekend. Much deserved, I do believe.

Although today, on what should my first day back in the saddle, it seems I may be getting strep throat or something akin to it. My throat is really hurting in a new way I’ve not before experienced.

It is a “wait and see” thing I guess. Until, that is, the soreness either proves to be a weird thing that fades away or develops a few more symptoms so that I can focus on my “affliction” and deal accordingly.

So until tomorrow (when you will be stuck with me whether you like it or not if the threatened snow storm actually makes its way here):

The tackiest Christmas present ever?

Fun with regifting.

Have you been blinded by the blonde?

Oh my, a Boy on Boy fantasy. With erotic art!

xo, Angela