Maybe you’ve caught my Sex Quote blog, Pardon My French, maybe not.   I’m behind on a lot of  web projects, but this is one I’m making a reasonable attempt to keep current, because I happen to like quotes quite a bit.  Blame it on my book/reading/word fetishes.  Quotes speak to me:  They’re a short and sweet way of saying a whole bunch of stuff that touches an intellectual or emotional cord and I find that immensely appealing. 

I even have a collection of quotes (not necessarily sex-related, unless something really strikes my fancy) Here at Zen, such as the following gems:

We listened to them, but it was clear they’d received too much therapy to know the truth.  ~Jeffrey Eugenides 

Now I don’t know about you, but I find that seriously funny because it rings so very true.  Jeffrey Eugenides is one of my favorite authors.  You may have read the Pulitzer Prize winning Middlesex, which begins, "I was born twice: first, as a baby girl, on a remarkably smogless Detroit day in January of 1960; and then again, as a teenage boy, in an emergency room near Petoskey, Michigan, in August of 1974."   And if you haven’t, you’re really missing out.  His writing is as on-target and intuitive as that quote — he doesn’t waste a single word.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good dipped in chocolate.  ~Unknown

That one just appeals to my quirky nature.  Don’t you like it?  And one more:

To be a book-collector is to combine the worst characteristics of a dope fiend with those of a miser. ~Robertson Davies

Which, well, um.  What can I say?  It’s true and I’m guilty.  I need a 12 Step Program big time.  Anyway there’s more of those if you care to check.  And you’re quite welcome to steal them.  But right now let’s get back to Pardon My French — that other blog of mine.

I’m keeping it streamlined with nothing but a collection of quotes related to sex in all it’s facets.  My goal is to keep the selection eclectic and include every possible source: lyrics, poetry, bloggers, authors, books, etc.  I’m  including typical subject matter (gender, sex roles, marriage, desire, homosexuality) as well as what might be considered atypical (FemDom, humiliation, incest, perversion, castration, sex toys).    I even have Phone Sex and Cybersex categories … probably firsts when it comes to sex quote collections. 

So, today,  I thought I’d share some of the stuff from over there with my readers on this side of the fence .  Although you are certainly welcome to visit, beg, borrow and steal from Pardon My French, since isn’t that what collecting quotes is all about when you get right down to it? 

Here’s a smattering:

Shakespeare (Hamlet) on Hot Dirty Sex:

but to live
In the rank sweat of an enseamed bed,
Stew’d in corruption, honeying and making love
Over the nasty sty…

Elise Sutton on Training a Man: 

Begin to train him to be that perfect man that you desire. Expect excellence out of him and don’t allow him to take you for granted. Begin to discipline him, as men need this. Men grow up being disciplined and nurtured by women. Deep inside they still need and desire this.  So learn how to discipline a man and how to properly train him.

Nietzsche the Misogynist: 

Woman was God’s second mistake.

Camille Paglia on Government and Sex: 

My thinking tends to be libertarian. That is, I oppose intrusions of the state into the private realm — as in abortion, sodomy, prostitution, pornography, drug use, or suicide, all of which I would strongly defend as matters of free choice in a representative democracy.

Denise McCanles on Lesbian Introductions: 

Introductions are tricky in a lesbian relationship. It’s a word game. To my friends she’s my lover, to strangers and family members in denial she’s my roommate, to Jehovah’s Witnesses at the door she’s my lesbian sex slave, and to my mother she’s Jewish and that’s all that matters.

Chinese Proverb:

Virginity like bubble: one prick all gone.

Johnny Depp as Ed Wood on Cross-Dressing:

My girlfriend still doesn’t know why her sweaters are always stretched out.

Violet Blue on CyberSex:

Right now there are more ways to have cybersex than ever thought possible, and it’s making modern couples reconfigure their relationships’ Terms of Service . Cybersex makes it easy to cheat; you don’t have to meet anyone, so the risk factor is low on all fronts — except maybe emotionally. Cybersex is also a more creative form of masturbation, so in many ways it’s not too terribly different than enjoying porn or fantasy.

Pick Up Line:

Do you know how to use a whip?

Faustus via Eros Blog on What Makes Us Hot:

Almost everyone has at least one something, call it an “X,” that can provoke intense pleasure when somehow experienced. The “X” is whatever it is that can sound the deepest and most resonant notes in our inner erotic music. An “X” might be a person, or a kind of person, or a practice, or a fetish, or a storyline, or even a concept. Some people — often people with especially vivid imaginations — may have many X’s.

Groucho Marx being Groucho:

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Supervert (PervScan) on The Matter of Size:

No doubt the most fascinating cock stat to emerge from current research is the controversial thesis by Dr. Rushton that penis size and brain power are inversely related. You’ve all heard the phrase “more balls than brain” — apparently it may really be a biological axiom. Guys with big dicks tend to be dumber than guys with little ones — which, in a certain respect, makes perfect sense. Survival of the fittest is the rule of the land, so if you’re deficient in one area you make up for it another. If you can’t wow ‘em with your wand, you amaze ‘em with your mind.

And because I’m shameless, I even quote myself:

For many submissive men the idea of an Amazon-type dominatrix is a serious turn on. It’s all about the Power Dynamics. Consider the Giantess fantasy. Consider the smothering websites where abundantly fleshy women queen, leg-lock and face-fuck a never-ending parade of men licking their lips, vying to be next.

Of course, a corollary can easily be drawn when considering Humiliation Fantasies, Abuse Fantasies and Small Penis Fantasies.  Not to mention Cuckold Fantasies, wherein the players include the Dominant Wife, her Bull lover and the Wimpy Husband.

And even for those guys who prefer their everyday women more in the petite range — the visual of big vs. little emphasizes who’s the boss and who’s the little, sniveling weakling.

***

I guess that’s enough for now.  You get the idea.  And if you have any sex-related quotes, particularly if you are a blogger or published writer, please send them my way — the more the merrier!

Or feel free to leave a comment telling us your favorite Sex Quote.

And Happy National Grammar Day!

xo, Angela

I’m Told I Make Good Coffee
by Jeremy Edwards

"Sorry!" I reddened.

Claudine turned and gave me the warmest of knowing smiles. "Lawrence–are you a little hard?" More than a little, I thought. She was dancing in place now, openly holding her crotch, but she was
grinning happily and showed no signs of moving along.

"I guess so." I returned her smile.

"Oh, you sexy boy. This is the kind of thing that can make a grown girl wet her pants," she laughed, with a suggestion in her voice that though it might be a bit of an inconvenience to wet her pants here and now, the scenario otherwise held an attraction for her. And where she was allowing herself to hover on the brink of wetting her pants, I was now on the verge of pollinating my jeans.

She darted into the bathroom, leaving the door ajar. I began to turn away as she peeled her slacks and panties and backed onto the commode . . . but suddenly she called "It’s okay–you don’t have to leave."

The next thing I heard was an angelic sigh of release. As the hiss and roar of her pissing began, I stumbled in without further hesitation, secure in the knowledge that the bell above the front door of the shop would give me plenty of time to return to the counter to serve any hypothetical forenoon customers. Hypothetical and improbable, I noted cheerfully.

***

From our sweet Zen Friend, Jerotic, who also recently (and I am late with this … you’ll have some catching up to do) sent the following:

SPECIAL EVENT #1

Please join me at my blog next Tuesday, January 27, when I welcome brilliant writer Nikki Magennis, author of the mindblowing eroto-rockin’ adventure The New Rakes! Nikki will be telling us about her passionate relationship with rock ‘n’ roll and indulging us with exquisite excerpts … and it’s rumored there will even be an X-rated paper-doll floor show!

SPECIAL EVENT #2

In days of yore, as authors say,
There lived a spark, for am’rous play
By nature formed and well I ween,
He beardless was, and scarce eighteen.
Which for his purpose suited well,
As presently I mean to tell.

With nuns, well-stocked, a convent stood,
Hard by him in the neighbourhood;
He oft had viewed with longing eye,
The holy maids as he passed by;
Would sometimes stop, and at the grate,
To steal a look, whole hours wait.
At length with dull attendance tired,
With want of consummation fired,
To gain his point, at once he ventured,
And in disguise the convent entered.

The Abbess took him for a maid:
Coletta was his name, he said;
And then with reverence due he kissed her
As might become a holy sister.
Long had he not been there, I trust,
O! dire disgrace! but out it must,
Ere sister Agnes had been playing;
‘Twere better far she minded praying.
But so it proved, and by it got —
Perhaps, the prude may ask me, what?

And tell me, that I should have said,
A woful chance befel the maid.
Our Agnes, ever counted chaste,
Grew wond’rous round about the waist
And in due time, as it is said,
Of a young thing was brought to bed.
The holy sisters in amaze
Did at it, as a wonder, gaze;
As well they might, nor could suppose,
From earth, as mushrooms do, it rose
Or manna like, from heaven it fell,
Such miracles, they knew full well
Were long time ceased though (as they say)
Their priests work wonders to this day.
So all determined, nemine con.
It never could come there alone.
Besides, if I may speak the truth,
It much resembled this our youth.

The Abbess, in a mighty passion,
(For scolding then too was in fashion)
Vowed vengeance on the miscreant base
Who thus had scandalized the place;
And then for sundry weighty reasons,
Poor sister Agnes she imprisons.
Next, how to find the father out,
Began to make a mighty rout.
The house was guarded with such care,
The walls so high, no entrance there;
The nun, who kept the tower, was old
And proof against the power of gold.

These things premised, how it could be
She wondered much, though certainly,
A man there must be in disguise,
The which he wore to ‘scape surprise;
Therefore at once the truth to have,
She to the nuns this order gave,
Strip every maid to find this dragon,
Let not a sister have a rag on.

How this command perplexed our youth
Fearing thereby the naked truth
Must be found out, you all may guess
The more he racked his brains, the less
He thought it possible, that he
Should ever escape the place scot-free.
Until at length necessity,
The mother of invention, she
Assisted him with a device,
To ‘scape this scrutiny so nice,
And get clear off; it was to tie —
But, gentle reader, how could I
My meaning modestly express,
In words so clear that you may guess
What ’twas he tied, nor be mistaken,
How he contrived to save his bacon?
By this device all seem’d so flat,
There was no sign of you know what.

But sure the thread had ne’er been able,
(Were it compared in strength to cable)
To keep confined that boisterous part,
Some how or other it must start.
Had saints, nay angels too, been there,
The case had been the same I fear,
When, to full view, each lovely maid,
Stood in her birthday suit, arrayed,
With beauteous shape and graceful mien,
As those who wait on Cyprian queen.

The Abbess on her nose did wear,
Of spectacles a weighty pair;
For being old, they served her now
To search the matter through and through.
Surrounded by her twenty nuns,
Whose swelling breasts like new cross buns,
Or bladders blown by dint of wind,
Luxuriant rose; and you would find,
On them, in fact, were trial made,
A pea would dance as on a drum-head.
This put our youth upon the rack,
For fear the strait-tied strings should crack;
And so they did, for at one bounce,
Away it flew with mighty flounce,
As when a fiery steed disdains
To bear the yoke, and scorns the reins,
When once got loose; upright it rose,
And struck the Abbess on the nose.
The spectacles to the ceiling threw,
And nigh o’erturned the bearer too.

Who, you may think, enraged at this,
A council calls, wherein it is,
After debate, by all agreed,
With flogging this our youth must bleed.
This said, they seized the luckless wight,
And began to exercise their spite;
They tied him to a tree, that grew
Within the yard, of mournful yew,
Then went to search with indignation
For instruments of flagellation.

But fortune, who the boldest favours,
Blasted at once their cursed endeavours.
A lusty miller, on a mule,
Came riding in — they say no fool.
Could play at coits, and cudgel well,
Would kiss a girl, but never tell.
"Heyday!" said he, "what have we here?
A wond’rous pretty saint, I swear!
"But say, young man, I long to know,
"Which of the sisters served you so?
"Sure with the nuns you’ve been at play,
"And for it suffer thus to-day;
"For if there’s aught in strength of back,
"I judge you well a nun can crack."

The youth replied, in mighty dudgeon,
Thinking that now he’d catched a gudgeon,
"My friend, you quite mistake the case,
"For which I suffer this disgrace,
"Had I with their request complied,
"I never now had thus been tied;
"Besides a whipping too I fear,
"For being chaste — ’tis hard, I swear,
"Though must submit, howe’er it be–
"I can’t give up my chastity."

The miller straightway in surprise,
Laughing, the fast-bound cords unties,
And to the youth addressed this speech:
"Poor, scrupulous fool! I’ll save thy breech,
"You’ll cut no figure in this place
"Were but our parson in such case
"He’d ne’er behave as thou hast done;
"Quick tie me to the tree and run:
"You’re ignorant, I plainly see,
"And not for business fit like me
"Let all the sisters come, I warrant
"They shan’t return without their errant."

The youth not wanting better sport,
Soon tied him fast, and scampered for it.
The miller now stark naked stood,
In waiting for the sisterhood,
When soon of nuns, at least a score,
Who rods instead of tapers bore,
In order came, and one and all
Did presently to jerking fall;
While he provoked, as well he might,
Cried, "Softly, ladies, by this light,
"You’re in the wrong, I’m not that booby,
"But for the sport, as fit as you be.
"You’ll wonders see, if you’ll but try —
"Cut both my ears off if I lie,
"I am a devil at that same;
"You apprehend me — guess the name.
"But in this scourging, on my soul,
"A novice quite — an arrant fool."

"A fool?" a toothless virgin cries,
"If that’s the case, we’ll make you wise.
"Are you not father of the brat?
"For him you’ll pay, be sure of that!"
And then to whipping fell again;
The miller bellowed out amain,
(Fearing he was not understood)
"Ladies, I’ll — kiss you all, by God!
"Then cease, dear girls," he loud did bawl,
"I’ll do my best to please you all."

The more the miller cracked his jokes,
The more the girls renewed their strokes,
And flogged him with such dextrous art,
They made him loudly roar with smart,
While thus he underwent a whipping,
His mule upon the grass was skipping.
No matter what became of both,
It is enough he saved the youth.
And reader, say, would you have been
For fifty beauties in his skin?

(As found in the 1812 collection The Festival Of Love and attributed to La Fontaine.  I ran across it at  Classic Kink.) 

And we young whippersnappers think we invented kink?  Me thinks not.

Lyndee … you are more than welcome to steal this (because that’s kinda-sorta what I did after all *wink*) to publish at Pink Panty Cafe, where I’m thinking you’d have a most appreciative crowd.

xo, Angela

Poetry Is Sexy
by Brian Dorn

Poetry is sexy
Its lyrics aim to please

Poetry is sexy
Engaging in its tease

Poetry is sexy
It radiates with verb

Poetry is sexy
Every idyllic word

Poetry is sexy
Refined for purity

Poetry is sexy
Stripped of subtlety

Poetry is sexy
When read between the lines

Poetry is sexy
Laced with frilly rhymes

Poetry is sexy
Both singular and plural

Poetry is sexy
Every exclamatory swirl

Poetry is sexy
Grammatically raw

Poetry is sexy
Even typos and all

Poetry is sexy
Consummated publicly

Poetry is sexy
When performed properly

Poetry is sexy
Irrespective of its font

Poetry is sexy
Fashioned any way you want

***

Brian has a website, and  you can read a bunch of his stuff here.  He also has his very own YouTube channel, The Flawed Poet, where you can watch him recite his poetry.

xo, Angela