I had all intentions of putting in a serious amount of time on the kink-O-phone today.   Honestly.   Don’t raise that eyebrow.

Got up at a reasonable (all things considered) time. Jogged five (ok, walked some of it). Took a superbath, washed my hair, brushed my teefies. Donned my business suit (t-shirt nightie and sockies). Made my bed, started the dishwasher. Ingested relatively massive amounts of the Sulawesi. In other words, got all the personal necessities neat and comfortable around the edges.

Put together an I’ve been a bad girl discount email (because I’ve kinda-sorta been MIA going on two weeks now–I had my reasons) to send to the good guys (a demographic that I, of course, define differently than most)–letting them know that if they wanted to strike while the iron was hot (that would be moi), today would be good. So everything was set to go. But then I remembered.

Remembered this piece of crap attempt to rewrite history is on tonight.

Propagada Trailer.

Harvey Keitel is not afraid to spank Disney’s ass.

A liberal perspective. (And I do agree.)

And my own personal Pervert Savant sent me this:

I’ve got an idea for a great movie!

It will be called “The Path to ‘The Path to 911′” hopefully directed by Michael Moore. It will depict how a right-wing cabal of born-again Christians dragooned Tom Keane, a group of Disney television execs, and the ABC broadcasting network to produce a $40,000,000 docudrama (now labeled a “dramatization”) based (sorta, except for the parts that weren’t and that never really happened) on the famous 911 Commission Report and then tried to market the movie to American viewers (and to schoolkids through “Scholastic Magazine”) as “history”.

I think it will make interesting viewing.

My choice for the lead Disney executive would be Peewee Herman.

I’m hopeful that Mel Brooks and Gene Wilder will reprise their dual roles from “The Producers” and play the born-again writer and director.

Like its predecessor, the sequel to “The Path to 911″ could be the greatest work of historical “drama” since “Springtime for Hitler”.

*****

I gotta watch…you do understand, don’t you? You will forgive me?

******

And Democrats? …’cuz we need you to step up to the plate real bad:

I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero until the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight

I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero until the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
—Holding out for a Hero

No, you can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometime you find
You get what you need
—You Can’t Always Get What You Want

*****

This whole mess just makes me terribly sad. But what do I know? I’m just a poor little orphan girl who tells dirty stories.

Bose, Tiffany’s, Black Licorice, cold hard cash, Law & Order  poster, Tacos & Margaritas, Flowers, Chocolates, James Blunt, Victoria’s Secret, Spa Pedicure, Bubble Bath, Phone Calls from Special People, candles, Head Phones, Starbucks, Crab Legs….

I’ve been kinda-sorta celebrating my birthday this entire month, even though the actual event was on the 15th. But my birthday suit sure did fit nicely and was much appreciated by all.

I am lucky. I am blessed. I am grateful.

Need I say more?

And here’s my present to all of you.

xo

“….twistedly homoerotic spank-movie, The Passion of the Christ…”

Chrisopher Hitchens (of Slate Magazine and Vanity Fair) in his article, Mel Gibson’s Meltdown. Don’t ya just love it?

I live for this stuff!

xo

Gracie over at Sex Kitten, where I have my quasi-regular column, recently interviewed Chloe Joe Berman, the woman behind The Girlie Girl Newsletter, which currently has 13,000–give or take a few–readers. While I’d never heard of either the woman or the newsletter, it wasn’t long before I fell head over heels.

Balancing a variety of “careers” while promoting animal rights and other personal passions, Ms. Berman is not only smart as a whip and easy on the eyes, but is supremely likable. And her poetry (a few samples are included in the interview) is simply divine.

You can read part I and part II of the interview here and here. (Part II is the most fun, because that is when Chloe kicks ass and takes names. What a fireball!)

And she has the most adorable website which you can visit here.

Like I said: I like her. I like her a lot.

….and will be taking no calls this p.m.

Cramps, running around all day doing a variety of tasks from a few of my infamous (and currently despised) lists in the sweltering heat (up to 98 degrees), not being able to reach my brother (busy signal going on five hours now–I think he is dead or hurt and am losing my mind), allergy symptoms from hell and my not-so-beloved-anymore convertible breaking down at a major intersection…

Not one of my better days.

Not even in the top one thousand.

The sinus headache that accompanies these sniffles and watery eyes has taken over the left side of my head. Which means I am going to have to take an allergy pill, which I don’t like doing, because it makes me so drowsy. And I am already tuckered from the day’s trials and tribulations.

The convertible had to be towed. Tomorrow or Monday I will have to hire a mechanic. And they scare me. Because they can tell me anything and charge me anything. Because I don’t know any better. The one blessing with the car was that Triple A had a tow truck there within ten minutes. The bonus suprise was that the tow truck driver looked liked Matthew McConaughey. Very handsome, very sexy. I was too ill-humored to appreciate his flirtatious insinuations but will savor them later in repose.

Oh…I also got a manicure and pedicure. (And yes, David, my nails look fucking awesome.) Which was the highlight of my day, although my regular manicurist was not available and the new girl wasn’t so bright or talented. But adequate. And adequate is good enough.

And I got a tad sunburned so now my nose is going to peel. Arggghhhh.

***

So while I’m sleeping, check out this website, because I will be writing an entire entry around it in the very near future: Poly-Fetishist

***

Just remembered that I had my brother’s new cell phone number on my caller ID. Called it and he answered and is alive and well and little bit drunk. Asshole. Apparently the phone in the bedroom was not on the cradle properly. I love him.

***

Fantasy Assignment: This will keep you occupied until I get it together here. Imagine you have a live-in Mistress who is bisexual. She dominates you with tease and denial. She also happens to have a live-in female lover. And makes you watch them get each other off. But you’re in a cock harness with your hands tied behind your back. Not much you can do but watch and ache. Maybe they give you a stroke every now and then.

Ok…that’s all, folks. xo