The fourth is officially over. None too soon for me. Because I am not a big fan of picnics or volleyball or ants or extreme heat. I prefer dinner in front of the TV with a good friend, scrabble or boggle or trivial pursuit, and swimming or air conditioning.

But I did do the picnic thing today. A small affair just with my beloved mother. We watched a movie, ate (store bought) picnic-type deli foods and went for a walk. It was lovely and quiet. I was home before dark.

But later, making a quick run to the Seven Eleven, I actually saw two fireworks. So my holiday is complete.

And I hope you had a good one!

***

Reading my news updates as I had my morning java I ran across the funniest little bit of news. Just lQQk at what doctors removed from a fellow’s anus:

That white thing at the center of the xray, my friends, is a light bulb. If my suspicions are correct, this would be a perfect addition to Supervert’s ever-growing encyclopedia of the weirdly obscene. But the patient, who is a Pakistanian prison inmate, swears he doesn’t know how it got there. Yeah, sure.

***

Oh, and I have a joke for you (well, actually two):

Question: What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?
Answer: A brunette

Now, I happen to be a brunette but love blonde jokes. So a friend sent me this one…which is just fabulous and certainly put me in my place:

Question: Why are blond jokes always so short?
Answer: So brunettes can understand them.

***

And speaking of blondes, if you’re a fan of Pink‘s and/or The Indigo Girls…and not so much a fan of our current administration…you simply MUST watch this video: Dear Mister President. You can order the CD, I’m not Dead, at Amazon.

Not so much of the Phone Sex part tonight, as I have a sevenish dinner date and will most likely be out of the mood when I return home, if you know what I mean.

But as far as taking calls this coming week, there is little on my agenda (at least so far) that should distract me from the business of making bad boys out of good men. I might even offer a special…never know what I might be up to.

***

As you may or may not know, I’ve always had an aversion to television in general, opting for a few select shows (South Park, Law & Order, CI), but I kinda-sorta got into the couch potato thing while at the loft and have picked up some very bad habits. One show that has really caught my fancy is Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List. So much so that I’ve decided to create a Zen Diva page. I’d been thinking about it for a while, because women are (as Sabrina would say) fucking awesome. So, there you have it. Kathy the brash, the brave, the awesome has finally kicked my ass into (somewhat, just somewhat) high gear.

***

Speaking of potato head/brain dead activities–that being staring at the tube for endless hours–I also became quite enamoured with Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Dr. 90210. I’d been a fan of Queer Eye before but just never stuck with it. Well, Fab Five, I’m baaack! They are in Las Vegas this season, at least so far, and I am finding it fascinating. With Dr. 90210, it’s Dr. Rey who has caught my eye. Brazillian, married to a beautiful blonde and giving boob jobs to the well-endowed ($$$) under-endowed (^^), he is just the epitome of new millineum nuance.

I’m not done yet. I still have got to check out HBO’s Big Love, which stars Bill Paxton as a polygomist living in Utah with three wives. How can I pass that up? The show has been around a while with twelve episodes under its belt and I haven’t seen a one. BUT! Where there’s a will there’s a way. And I checked my TV on demand guide. All shows are there for the watching at my convenience. That is if I ever find it convenient.

***

So seems like I might be in a heap of trouble here. I didn’t even own a television for the longest time. Then Iraq happened, so I went out and bought a television. See what havoc a bad republican president can cause in one innocent little girl’s life?

Remember my Masks for Hospice jibber-jabber from 4.5.06? Well this is the one I’m bidding on. Which was created by none other than Tommy Tune. Pretty awesome, huh?

Your Guess is as good as mine:

Lucy Golden

Spankaroo

Tamara Staples

Night Swimming

Michael Berard

or How I Learned to Start Deleting and Block the Bums.

(with apologies to the late, great Messrs. Peter Sellers and Stanley Kubrick)

Some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed.

I open my email today to find this:

I am looking for someone to “direct” the actions real time of an escort in dominating me. I am into heavy verbal humiliation, spitting, slapping and even being pissed on. I have dildos, butt plugs, and panties in my possession, so I can even be “forced fag.”

Are you interested and enough of a dominating cunt to fulfill my request?

Ummmm….did I read that right?

Did this gentleman really refer to me as a “cunt?” This guy who I’ve never met or talked with before?

So I deleted and blocked him but not before responding:

You don’t know me well enough to call me a cunt. Therefore, I must respectfully decline.

What can I say? Just another day at the office, more or less. Thank God for the GOOD kinky guys. The POLITE deviants. The RESPECTFUL perverts.

Sometimes I think I should have become a nun and just had sex with priests, altar boys and PTA mothers.

And how has your day been?