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Bitchy Jones has a lot to say about Professional Dominatrixes and what a crock the whole shebang is. Since I do the Phone Domme Thing, you’d think I would just hate her to pieces. But I don’t. Quite honestly, I think she brings up valid points to which real men looking for real domination should pay close attention. Some random quotes:
- Defining the word, MISTRESS: A word that, if it ever had any erotic potential, has been completely destroyed by the femdom destroying triptych of femdom porn, prodoms and porn-drunk submissive men who write about their SO on their blogs like this, "˜Mistress said we should go to the shops." Mistress is not her fucking name. Stop wanking and remember she’s a human-fucking-being.
- To WANNABE SUBMISSIVE MEN: You have created a woman repelling space full of unreasonable expectations of female physicality, predatory sexual creepiness, penis fixation (just because you’ve locked it in a plastic cage doesn’t mean you aren’t still letting your world revolve around it) and pay-for-play as an acceptable norm.
- On SEXLESS FEMALE DOMINATION: Why does so much of femdomland act as if being vaginally penetrated is some kind of huge annoying inconvenience to women that we are never going to grant you because, "oh, you are not worthy."
- On a MISTRESS SUCKING COCK: I would rather suck *his* cock than have him suck a fake cock bolted to me. I *like* sucking cock. I don’t do things I don’t like and I have no desire to "˜get revenge" on men for all the cock sucking I have done. Besides I can suck cock from the top. Really. On my knees and everything. And I prefer that. I prefer skin touching skin. It’s this weird fetish I have for, you know, having my nerve endings stimulated.
So, Bitchy is bitching….and making a lot of sense. There’s a lot more…go see for yourself.
Collectively, Phone Mistresses are all about YOUR fantasy. We aren’t going to do the meet and beat with you. We are Phone Sex Operators, many of us utilizing a variety of identities to cash in on every possible kink, fetish or fantasy that might bring us a buck. We want your money and we want you to call back often. I am always having to remind my callers to get a grip. An ethical PSO would tell you the same.
Unfortunately, not all of my ilk are ethical. One of the things I always harp on–here in this blog and even when kicking ass on the telephone–is that a clear division between fantasy and reality is imperative. Otherwise, you might as well kiss happiness goodbye. I actually wrote a piece on this, Fantasy Mistress: Just a Figment of Your BDSM Desires, for the book, Sex Kitten Presents the BDSM Issue. In which I said:
When the fantasy of being dominated supersedes the reality of life, perceptions are skewed, relationships are handicapped, and growth (emotional and sexual) is stunted. Lovers, girlfriends, and wives are compared to the idealized Mistress and can never measure up. This is not only grossly unfair to these (very real!) women; it reeks of addiction and is a recipe for unhappiness for everyone involved. Ironically, it is the obsession that ultimately becomes the Mistress, a heteromorphic form of self-domination.
Not all men want to actually BE DOMINATED FOR REAL, thank you very much. They want their impossible fantasy, just for a little bit. They are self-aware enough, and perhaps even self-protective enough, to occasionally get their dirty little itch scratched (via a phone dom or a pro dom), and then get back to the business of their everyday lives.
I actually understand wanting a fantasy and not a reality. Because what I get off on by myself and what I get off with a partner are two very different things. But if you’re a guy who thinks you just gotta have the real deal, then you need to be reading Bitchy. She is a real dom…doing it for her pleasure and not for bucks. If she’s going to hurt you, she is going to do it her way. And it is going to make her very hot. That is, dearheart, what true domination is all about. Are you man enough?
xo, Angela
That is a fascinating blog Miss Angela. I will be reading a lot of Bitchy from now on. I don’t quite agree with all of her critiques of the industry but her insight is fascinating. I like her take on sadism. I find that I want to be sweet and nice while hurting someone and it always makes me wonder if I am like those crazy serial killers that “love” their victims to death. It was vindicating to read some of her entries on the subject.
Isabel…isn’t she awesome? I don’t think anybody completely agrees with everything Bitchy has to say, including myself. But I do agree with a lot of it.
And YOU! I adore you.
I feel like I am an outsider intruding on shop talk, but Angela’s blog is so compelling because of its real and provocative nature….she always surprises me. The excerpt from your chapter is so dead on. I think that the vast erotic exposure available on the internet has lead some guys down a very sad pathway. Reality seems to be getting tougher and fantasy more easily achieved, which has taken quite a few prisoners. Keep up the great blog,Angela.
Miss Bitchy doesn’t like sissies and feminization, so she probably wouldn’t like me. But like hot java said, the lines between fantasy have blurred and really screwed up a lot of people.
Thank the Interenet Gods for people like you and Bitchy. Boys, as you’ve taught me, can be very stupid when horny. Count me among the stupid. But I’m learning.
This was quite a fine entry, Angela.
I must say though, in my humble opinion, that your choice of excerpts probably aren’t really so random. I think that these quotes from Bitchy, at some level, resonate with you, and so you are sharing them with us here. But hey, wadda I know?!
As always, you offer fun, fantasy, and wisdom. Thanks for sharing Bitchy with us.
WOW… how does one follow up an entry like this? Simply stated, WOW!
Thanks, for yet another “kick ass” piece!!
xoxo
Er…what everybody else said. The politics, the dynamics, the reality of all this stuff just fascinates me.
BDSM and Phone Sex and all of it, well I guess I never thought of any of it deeply until I showed up here. I’m dating myself here, but one thing which causes me to stop and ponder, is the true liberation–professionally and sexually–which has taken place. You girls are living it. You are the proof. You are a new type of woman.
I am awed. And damn happy to see it.
Great entry, Angela. I doubt that many of the men that enjoy phone domination would stomach the same thing in real life. But, then, why should they? Your thoughts on fantasy versus reality are always appreciated.
hot java: always a pleasure to see you and also to know you appreciate me.
Metro Sissy: You’ve come a long way, baby. You’re fine just the way you are. Remember, I know all the parts of you. And despite your adamant agnostic stand, I see God’s fingerprints all over you.
HDB: You are so cute and so cuddly…but sooo dirty! Thanks for being a friend of Zen.
Lyndee: I’ll always treasure you as a true friend amid all the muck. Thanks for always believing in me and championing me.
Mr. Smith: So tell me…have we talked? Come on, give it up.
Porno Person: But I know a certain someone who can and does stomach it. Quite often, in fact.
My lips are sealed.
Y’know, the one thing I really don’t like about Bitchy is that, well, I DO think femdom is great for people like me, who are tired as HELL of the idea that vaginal penetration is all sex ever is. It’s honestly really refreshing to be in a sexual subculture where that’s downplayed. I get so tired of the idea that someone who doesn’t want PIV all the time is de-sexed. I totally get that Bitchy loves PIV and that it’s really annoying to be around men for whom being denied PIV, or being pegged instead, or juggling gees, or whatEVER is their kink and so they see her as less dominant. But I just… I get really tired of the whole “Femdom is de-sexing women because PIV is downplayed.” I love not being pressured to have what society considers the most “real” of sex all the time. I love people who consider my cock not a silly game or the latest fad or something to read about in Dan fucking Savage columns.
I guess I just get really tired of reading about how my actual sexuality is something plastic, fake, and “sold to men.” Yeah, is pegging sold to men? Sure. But universalizations like that just annoy me. What happened to the dominant person being in control, rather than the dominant person resisting images of dominance? I’d much rather top and come than top and defy norms. (And honestly I don’t think either getting fucked OR not getting fucked defies norms. The first is a norm of heteronormativity, and the second a norm of SOME of femdom but not even all.)
(addendum: I don’t quite consider myself a “femdom” any more, really; I’m too butch for that. But that is what I found when I got started, and hearing some men actually SAY that they didn’t even like the idea of penetrating their partners because it would mess up the power dynamics was awesome to me, because it meant I might not have to explain that I DO have to be extremely close to someone and comfortable with them to do, well, what DOES munge with the power dynamics a bit to me, for very complicated reasons including physical disability and past trauma.)