 | I Like Sex, He Says |
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Hello, this is Angela.
Er, this is Mr. X. How are you today, Angela?
Well, Mr. X, I’m fine. How did you find me today, over the phone or on the Internet?
I saw your website and you are so damn sexy.
Well, thank you Mr. X. Was there anything at my website that particularly caught your attention?
You are just so hot.
Okayyyy … Well, do you want to tell me what you’re into? Or are you the shy type?
No, I’m not shy.
So where do you want to go today? What are you looking for exactly?
I like sex – any kind of sex.
Okay, let’s try this. I’m going to give you a little sex quiz. I will describe a scenario and you rate it from one to ten, with ten me the hottest.
Yeah, let’s do that.
A woman in stockings and heels.
Five.
A woman who takes control.
Five.
Lesbian sex.
Three.
Gay sex.
Four and a half.
A woman tying you up and teasing your cock.
Three.
A woman with a strap-on.
Two.
Anal sex.
Four.
Cuckolding.
What’s that?
**********
Obviously this conversation was not going to go anywhere. Mr. X may not have been shy, but he certainly was lukewarm and just really didn’t have a clue.
But I did have a clue, right from the start. First of all, when Mr. X referred to my "website" it was immediately apparent he was actually referring to the business platform where I have listings. He was not familiar with my websites which include this blog, Blistered Lips or Literate Smut. Secondly, I purposely use commercial pics on that platform, which are suggestive and sexy, but are obviously not me. So how did he know that I was "just so hot?"
I always ask a new caller how he found me, because with guys who haven’t checked out my site, there is definitely a learning curve. If they’ve checked me out, we more or less are already starting out on the same page, which makes it so much easier and fun for both of us. In other words, when someone takes the time to check out the service I provide, he is calling because he is pretty sure I am just what he is looking for. On the other hand, the Mr. X type usually just want a pussy with a voice. Bleh.
And what in heck does "I like sex" mean? Of course you do, Mr. X. We all like sex. But sex, particularly phone sex or at least my version of it, is multi-faceted. I mean, come on, you are a man, after all. You must be surfing for porn at least on occasion. We have swinging, foot fetishes, shemales, BBWs, leather scenes, bondage, oral sex, cross dressing, mutual masturbation, spanking, lingerie, fuck me pumps, prostate milking, orgasm denial, interracial, all kinds of role play (governess, secretary, teacher, employer, medical, etc.), objectification, erotic hypnotism, BDSM, romantic, slutty … and on and on and on. Can’t you pick something? What do you think about when you jerk off?
My little quiz is pretty standard when the guy just isn’t putting anything on the table. It’s a way for me to try to get a handle on just what should happen next, and has many times actually turned a call that started off on the wrong foot into something pretty darn special. Unfortunately, Mr. X just wasn’t too enthused about anything.
I finally just took control and did a "guided masturbation" scenario and Mr. X went away happy.
I, on the other hand, developed a migraine.
xo, Angela
The next time Mr. X calls you for “sex” maybe you should just refer him to one of those Psychic Friend phone lines. As X apparently has no idea what sort of sex it is he wants — or at least can’t seem to communicate it — maybe they’re better equipped to deal with his ilk.
Your questionnaire is pretty clever. I’d recommend something similar being administered to U.S. voters before they go to the polls this November.
It’s a shame this caller didn’t realize that he was really short changing himself. If he had let his “needs” be known to our dear Angela, as fine a ride as I’m confident she gave him, it would have been uniquely his own to boot.
Unlike most other women, who develop the headache beforehand…
😉
Looks like Mr X failed his SAT (sexual aptitude test). His future entrance into the St. Lawrence University of Literate Eroticism should be blocked (though you should thank him for his application).
LOL! Very funny Mr. Allen. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Always interesting to see things from your side of the fence. It’s harder than one would believe.
Sooooooooo DeJaVue!!!