Brought to you courtesy of YouTube and starring Eric Schwartz with a biggy-big thank you to Dear Madame for pointing the way:

Keep your Jesus off my penis.
Keep your bible off my balls.
Keep your prayers out of my ears
and your crosses off of my walls.

You can keep the Virgin Mother
and the Resurrection too.
Keep your Jesus off my penis.
I’ll keep my penis off of you.

Well I’m fricken sick and tired
of turning on the news
and seeing the religous right’s ungodly fight
to take our right to choose:

When to bear our children,
who to love and how,
education and protection
if we’re just practicing for now.

So, Dub-ya, look. I’ll buy a book,
if that’s what works for you.
But I don’t tell you how to pray,
so don’t you tell me how to screw.

Keep your Jesus off my penis.
Keep your bible off my balls.
Keep your prayers out of my ears
and your crosses off of my walls.

You can keep the Virgin Mother
and the Resurrection too
Keep your Jesus off of my Penis.
I’ll keep my penis off of you.

So you’re screaming bloody murder
about the Taliban regime
subjugating women,
being too extreme,

and basing legislation
on some ancient, holy book.
Does that sound a bit familiar?
Here’s a mirror: Have a look!

And as for the Ten Commandments,
they need one more at least:
Thou shalt never cover up
the acts of pervert priests.

Now how they’d let that happen?
(Unless they just abhor us.)
But anyway it adds another
layer to the chorus.

Keep your Jesus off my penis.
Keep your bible off my balls.
Keep your prayers out of my ears
and your crosses off of my walls.

You can keep the Virgin Mother
and the Resurrection too.
Keep your Jesus off my penis.
I’ll keep my penis off of you.

So you’ll execute a person
and protect a single cell.
But mercy-kill the terminally ill
and you’re going straight to hell.

Well I don’t know about the word of God.
Far be it from me;
but I can tell you what it ain’t:
hypo-Christianity!

Now I am not anti-Christian
(Before you grab a rope!)
There’s beauty in religion;
and joy and love and hope.

And they’re all looking for the answers,
this colossal, cosmic cause.
But who the fuck are you
to turn your views into my laws?

It’s just believers in the bible
that would have abortioned banned.
Anti-choice agnostics:
I could count them on one hand.

And as for killing babies,
I have but one retort:
If someone raped your daughter, George,
you’d beg her to abort.

And if some young girl from your church
shows up with a child or some infection,
because you taught her what a horrid sin
it was to use protection?

Well, one day you’ll face the pearly gates.
And what you gonna say
When that long-haired Jewish peacenick
sends your ass the other way?

Keep your Jesus off my penis.
Keep your bible off my balls.
Keep your prayers out of my ears
and your crosses off of my walls.

Look! I’ve had it up to hear
with all the biblo-foul you spew.
So keep your Jesus off my penis.
At least that is what I would do.

Keep your Jesus off my penis.
I’ll keep my penis off of you.

(That’s if you want me tooooo.)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 26th, 2006 at 6:36 pm and is filed under And Another Thing, Funny Side Up, Rhetorically Yours. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.