 | You Might Have a Small Penis |
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(For my Small Penis Humilation Junkies, adapted from the PIC blog.)
You Might Have a Small Penis if …
- you sort through hundreds of emails in your spam folder every week, vigilantly marking every penis enlargement ad as "Not Spam."
- women refer to your happy trail as the "trail of tears."
- you’ve never been able to figure out why there’s a slit in your boxers.
- a man at a bar has ever seen you, talked with you, felt your crotch, and STILL mistaken you for a woman.
- girls affectionately refer to giving you a handjob as "pushing your button."
- you think deep-throating is just a musical skill practiced by bass vocalists.
- you’ve ever tried to cave your penis in on itself, and succeeded long enough to have inverse cock sex with a man.
- it’s been mistaken for your belly button.
- you refuse to watch porn because it’s "totally unrealistic."
- you refer to the part of your penis below the head as the "neck."
- you have to "look around" before you pull it out at the urinals.
- you tell a girl to get ready for your manhood, and she giggles.
- you tell yourself its perfectly normal to shower in your boxers in the locker room.
- you put a condom on, and it slips off.
- you hold your condom in place with rubber bands
- you refer to masturbating as "pumping your sawed-off.
- your foreskin hangs two inches past the tip…and you’re circumcised.
- you encountered a genie and made the mistake of asking for a little head.
- you own two sets of tweezers because one is designated solely for "unmentionables.
- you’ve ever gotten a girl to agree to nasal sex because "well, it won’t hurt to try."
- your girlfriend whistles It’s a Small World After All during sex.
- your penis says YOU’RE small, but you know he’s just bitter.
- you get blowjobs from amoebas.
- your girlfriend brings a shrimp fork to bed.
- you need to shave your pubes in order to urinate.
- your girlfriend’s clit is larger than your penis.
- your nickname has always been Little Willie
(And if this just wasn’t any fun, well — go look at lots and lots of dirty pictures.)
Some funny stuff and you can “push my button” any time you’d like maam.
Ouch.
So cruel! Just look at that Bush-ette cutting the male ego to shreds. Angela, how could you team up with her? Don’t you profess to be a “bleeding heart liberal?” I’m sure those were your exact words.
The only way you can reconcile this is to start an endowment for the un-endowed.
I speak from apathy becase this, which should go without saying, has never been a problem of mine. *cough, cough*
Yes, I am a Bleeding Heart Liberal. But how could I resist?
Ummm … all of the above?