There’s a bit of a poet in me so I tend to make up words or phrases now and then. Sometimes the words or phraseology I use are specific to a topic or kink or whatever. And some words I use may be real words that need a little extra explanation. So this list might help you out.

bitch-bible-slap ***What sexual snobgoblins (see below) like to do to everybody else who they deem impure or not up to their moral standards (’cause God told ‘em they were exempt from “Vengence is mine sayeth the Lord.”)

box, boxed in, boxes *** Interestingly enough, Thesaurus.com defines boxed in with one word: handicapped. Which is exactly what I feel we do to ourselves when we start making rules for ourselves and others. Whether be it spirtual beliefs or sexual fantasies or sexuality or life…I don’t want to be handicapped in my pursuit of life and what I will ultimately learn on this journey.

kinda-sorta ***I actually hijacked this phrase from Mary Roach when I read it in her book, Stiff: The Curious Life Of Human Cadavers. She approaches writing much like I do: Idolizing the English language so much that she just can’t keep her fingers off of it, playing with and twisting words & phrases with reckless, but reverent, abandon. It means just what it sounds like it means: a little bit, maybe, half and half. Oh…and you might want to buy the book: It’s a bitchin’ good read.

pretzel logic  The convoluted self-knowledge or opinion reached by some twisted journey of deduction that defies actual logic and makes absolutely no sense in the final, stupid analysis.  Also the title of a must-have Steely Dan CD and a book by Lisa Angowski Rogak Shaw,

PSO Phone Sex Operator

sexual snobgoblin ***aka religious zealot, right wing nutcase. A “holier-than-thou” type.

smarm-o-meter ***A useful tool in the PSO’s arsenal, alerting her to the character of her caller.  Because despite what you may think or have heard, it’s not the Phone Sex Operators who lie (we creatively and eloquently “imagine”); it’s the callers.  ie. My wife keeps me in a cage in the cellar or You’d love my dick, baby. It’s 10 inches and thick as a soup can or My Mistress wants to castrate me and I need advice.

spank-dar ***The PSO’s ability to expeditiously divine that a caller is a clueless, chronic monkey-spanker who will only cause problems if she takes him on as a client.  ie. frantically jumps from girl to girl & never gets anywhere or expecting the PSO to guess his kink because either cannot or will not articulate his own desire or he’s so cheap he is already breathing hard when she says hello, having waited until he’s ready to pop.

Sprick-Mail *** An unsolicited picture a guy sends via email of his prick (spam + prick + mail)

wank-dar ***The highly developed skill of an experienced PSO to detect the lizardly wanker. See wanker (below).

wanker The term PSOs use to describe gentlemen who waste our time (not to mention their own) presenting themselves as potential callers, when in fact have no intention of every dropping a nickel.

wet panty alert ***I kinda-sorta made this up, but I’m sure somebody somewhere has used it. I don’t experience this often, but when you see it, it’s a sure bet that I am really turned on by whatever or whomever I am discussing.